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A female bounty hunter holds a gangland bar hostage while awaiting the arrival of a fugitive killer but one of the hostages is hiding a deadly secret.
This logline is static. Some one having a deadly secret isn't an action. Read the line and describe it as a series of actions, I couldn't. "Waiting for her mark a bounty hunter takes the occupants of a gangland bar hostage a bounty hunter but a ..... has .... "
This logline is static. Some one having a deadly secret isn’t an action. Read the line and describe it as a series of actions, I couldn’t.
“Waiting for her mark a bounty hunter takes the occupants of a gangland bar hostage a bounty hunter but a ….. has …. “
See lessTo overcome her posttraumatic stress disorder, a withdrawn orphaned girl, who suffers from hallucinations, decides to confide in a stranger and move to him being unaware he hides a horrifying secret connected with her past.
The character intro is a little long, it reads like a shopping list and doesn't inform story. ?What does she want to achieve? We need to see that. I think the wording around "move" is confusing. ?Here is an attempt but I don't know her goal. "Hoping to get well a girl suffering to from PTSD and hallRead more
The character intro is a little long, it reads like a shopping list and doesn’t inform story. ?What does she want to achieve? We need to see that. I think the wording around “move” is confusing. ?Here is an attempt but I don’t know her goal.
“Hoping to get well a girl suffering to from PTSD and hallucinations moves in with a man, but discovering his past triggers a …..”
or
“the police don’t ?believes a girl with PTSD and hallucinations but her carers murderous past forcing her to carry out her own justice”.
You have a good character but I can’t see a story. ?The motivation, character arc etc are for the script. ?This is the quickest explanation of the story.
See lessDesperate to keep her sister out of the drug trade a jaded girl makes one last drug run for her dealer who has set her up for a hit mistakenly suspecting she is a confidential informant.
I am really finished the script. I was interested in getting your opinion on the logline after a professional and ex-development Exe had worked on it. Thanks.
I am really finished the script. I was interested in getting your opinion on the logline after a professional and ex-development Exe had worked on it. Thanks.
See less