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After a primordial fungal outbreak on an Arctic oil rig, an overambitious district manager pushes to cover up the incident until he too is exposed. As the hospital becomes overrun by spore spreading rapists, he must battle his way to a lone survivor who may be the key to a cure.
I have had a hack at it and tried to not to drop any of your elements. An Arctic oil-rig executive is hospitalised by the same primordial fungus outbreak that he was trying to cover up. The infected become psychotic rapists spreading the disease further. He must battle his way to the lone survive whRead more
I have had a hack at it and tried to not to drop any of your elements.
An Arctic oil-rig executive is hospitalised by the same primordial fungus outbreak that he was trying to cover up. The infected become psychotic rapists spreading the disease further. He must battle his way to the lone survive which may hold the key to a cure.
See lessTwin sister detectives – who moonlight as vigilante serial killers – get framed for murder by their criminology teacher, who they (now) must outwit to clear their names.
I am struggling with the open line. It is very unclear. There is an assumption that we are talking twins. But there could be two identical killers, each having one child each. It just makes it harder than it has to be. "Children of a murderer, a set of twins open a detective agency only to be framedRead more
I am struggling with the open line. It is very unclear. There is an assumption that we are talking twins. But there could be two identical killers, each having one child each. It just makes it harder than it has to be.
“Children of a murderer, a set of twins open a detective agency only to be framed for murder by their criminology teacher”
This isn’t great, but reads a little easier.
The other thing to consider, is what are the big story beats. Is being twins a big story beat? If they were just siblings would the story change. If you could still tell the same story (detail would differ), then twins is important. Swap out that fact for a story element. What you love about your characters or the world you have created often isn’t what the story is about. Look at “The Walking Dead”, it isn’t about Zombies. It is about people struggling to survive in a desolate world.
I think there is more story (like what they want) than your line is telling me.
See lessTwin sister detectives – who moonlight as vigilante serial killers – get framed for murder by their criminology teacher, who they (now) must outwit to clear their names.
I am struggling with the open line. It is very unclear. There is an assumption that we are talking twins. But there could be two identical killers, each having one child each. It just makes it harder than it has to be. "Children of a murderer, a set of twins open a detective agency only to be framedRead more
I am struggling with the open line. It is very unclear. There is an assumption that we are talking twins. But there could be two identical killers, each having one child each. It just makes it harder than it has to be.
“Children of a murderer, a set of twins open a detective agency only to be framed for murder by their criminology teacher”
This isn’t great, but reads a little easier.
The other thing to consider, is what are the big story beats. Is being twins a big story beat? If they were just siblings would the story change. If you could still tell the same story (detail would differ), then twins is important. Swap out that fact for a story element. What you love about your characters or the world you have created often isn’t what the story is about. Look at “The Walking Dead”, it isn’t about Zombies. It is about people struggling to survive in a desolate world.
I think there is more story (like what they want) than your line is telling me.
See less