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  1. Posted: February 14, 2015In: Public

    The last Scribe in a technology ruled false utopian future must unite with an android that contains the entirety of human history, before the ruling corporation can enact their final technological control onto the masses.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
    Added an answer on February 14, 2015 at 3:00 pm

    This doesn't flow for me. You may be trying to put too many details and not enough story. Here are some questions. The final thing the corporation is about to do is bad? That somehow human history will prevent it, or human history will be lost. Don't know which. Must unite, can be vague. I wasn't suRead more

    This doesn’t flow for me. You may be trying to put too many details and not enough story. Here are some questions.

    The final thing the corporation is about to do is bad?
    That somehow human history will prevent it, or human history will be lost. Don’t know which.
    Must unite, can be vague. I wasn’t sure what it meant in your context.

    Plus there are a lot of words used to set the scene. Is all that needed?

    The last scribe and an android containing the complete human history must unite to prevent ….. You get the point. By adding what they are trying to prevent, which would be what outcome the corporation is hoping to achieve would tie the elements together.

    To prevent ………. the last scribe and an android must….

    I can see making of something I would watch. But not enough to be sure.

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  2. Posted: February 14, 2015In: Public

    The last Scribe in a technology ruled false utopian future must unite with an android that contains the entirety of human history, before the ruling corporation can enact their final technological control onto the masses.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
    Added an answer on February 14, 2015 at 3:00 pm

    This doesn't flow for me. You may be trying to put too many details and not enough story. Here are some questions. The final thing the corporation is about to do is bad? That somehow human history will prevent it, or human history will be lost. Don't know which. Must unite, can be vague. I wasn't suRead more

    This doesn’t flow for me. You may be trying to put too many details and not enough story. Here are some questions.

    The final thing the corporation is about to do is bad?
    That somehow human history will prevent it, or human history will be lost. Don’t know which.
    Must unite, can be vague. I wasn’t sure what it meant in your context.

    Plus there are a lot of words used to set the scene. Is all that needed?

    The last scribe and an android containing the complete human history must unite to prevent ….. You get the point. By adding what they are trying to prevent, which would be what outcome the corporation is hoping to achieve would tie the elements together.

    To prevent ………. the last scribe and an android must….

    I can see making of something I would watch. But not enough to be sure.

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    • 0
    • Share
      Share
      • Share on Facebook
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      • Share on LinkedIn
      • Share on WhatsApp
  3. Posted: February 8, 2015In: Public

    trapped behind enemy lines two soldiers must escape with a hostage that is playing them against each other.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
    Added an answer on February 14, 2015 at 7:45 am

    The story is a bit of a three hander. The two soldiers start out as a team, neither of them are senior. Cut off they are heading to the border to escape. Only being grunts they don't know who or why this person is important. One says torture, kill him and leave. The other is let's keep him safe. ThiRead more

    The story is a bit of a three hander. The two soldiers start out as a team, neither of them are senior. Cut off they are heading to the border to escape. Only being grunts they don’t know who or why this person is important.

    One says torture, kill him and leave. The other is let’s keep him safe. This is the split the hostage exploits. He tries to convince one he is a deep undercover spy. The team end up turning on each other.

    One soldier is now trying to escape the enemy and his own guy. The other must escape and hide the truth about trying to murder the hostage.

    It ends with the hostage being a bad guy after all which leads to the death of both soldiers.

    Some of the scenes feel like a police interview room.

    The idea behind a SciFi bent is it allows for some tech we don’t have. Such as not being able to use communications otherwise being instantly found.

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1 … 284 285 286 287 288 … 329

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