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  1. Posted: February 12, 2015In: Public

    When an ancient spell book activates a cursed family heirloom, a part-time occult librarian teams up with an undead ex-cop to destroy a voodoo witchdoctor stealing souls to live forever.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
    Added an answer on February 14, 2015 at 7:18 am

    If you change "goes missing" to "is stolen" then "the person responsible" can be "thief" saves you a few words. Word count I don't care to much about. If the story works it works. I have a real sense of your story now.

    If you change “goes missing” to “is stolen” then “the person responsible” can be “thief” saves you a few words. Word count I don’t care to much about. If the story works it works. I have a real sense of your story now.

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  2. Posted: February 12, 2015In: Public

    When an ancient spell book activates a cursed family heirloom, a part-time occult librarian teams up with an undead ex-cop to destroy a voodoo witchdoctor stealing souls to live forever.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
    Added an answer on February 14, 2015 at 7:18 am

    If you change "goes missing" to "is stolen" then "the person responsible" can be "thief" saves you a few words. Word count I don't care to much about. If the story works it works. I have a real sense of your story now.

    If you change “goes missing” to “is stolen” then “the person responsible” can be “thief” saves you a few words. Word count I don’t care to much about. If the story works it works. I have a real sense of your story now.

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  3. Posted: February 13, 2015In: Public

    A week after having leg surgery for which he would need 3 months rest, a 45 year old poor night guard returns to work in order to not loose his job and keep providing for his family. He encounters a group of burglars in a building garage and is unable to stop them.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
    Added an answer on February 14, 2015 at 7:09 am

    You've got flaws, he is poor, he is injured and can not do his job. You have a incident, the robbery. But what happens? Is he sacked? What is the story. Good setting, but it needs a start middle and end. This could rolled into a sentence leaving room for more story, "returning too early from surgeryRead more

    You’ve got flaws, he is poor, he is injured and can not do his job. You have a incident, the robbery. But what happens? Is he sacked? What is the story. Good setting, but it needs a start middle and end. This could rolled into a sentence leaving room for more story, “returning too early from surgery a night guard fails to prevent a robbery which….”.

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1 … 286 287 288 289 290 … 329

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