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When an ancient spell book activates a cursed family heirloom, a part-time occult librarian teams up with an undead ex-cop to destroy a voodoo witchdoctor stealing souls to live forever.
If you change "goes missing" to "is stolen" then "the person responsible" can be "thief" saves you a few words. Word count I don't care to much about. If the story works it works. I have a real sense of your story now.
If you change “goes missing” to “is stolen” then “the person responsible” can be “thief” saves you a few words. Word count I don’t care to much about. If the story works it works. I have a real sense of your story now.
See lessWhen an ancient spell book activates a cursed family heirloom, a part-time occult librarian teams up with an undead ex-cop to destroy a voodoo witchdoctor stealing souls to live forever.
If you change "goes missing" to "is stolen" then "the person responsible" can be "thief" saves you a few words. Word count I don't care to much about. If the story works it works. I have a real sense of your story now.
If you change “goes missing” to “is stolen” then “the person responsible” can be “thief” saves you a few words. Word count I don’t care to much about. If the story works it works. I have a real sense of your story now.
See lessA week after having leg surgery for which he would need 3 months rest, a 45 year old poor night guard returns to work in order to not loose his job and keep providing for his family. He encounters a group of burglars in a building garage and is unable to stop them.
You've got flaws, he is poor, he is injured and can not do his job. You have a incident, the robbery. But what happens? Is he sacked? What is the story. Good setting, but it needs a start middle and end. This could rolled into a sentence leaving room for more story, "returning too early from surgeryRead more
You’ve got flaws, he is poor, he is injured and can not do his job. You have a incident, the robbery. But what happens? Is he sacked? What is the story. Good setting, but it needs a start middle and end. This could rolled into a sentence leaving room for more story, “returning too early from surgery a night guard fails to prevent a robbery which….”.
See less