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A drama series that follows three young aspiring fashion designers as the find themselves entangled in a power struggle against each other and the ruthless matriarch of the Australian fashion industry.
Just one story comment. Aspiring people don't normally have enough power to take on an industry matriarch. You may handle this well in the story, but it jumped out at me in the logline. Entangled also tripped me up. You could drop it and it still works. Entangled is more for conspiracy or lies. PoweRead more
Just one story comment. Aspiring people don’t normally have enough power to take on an industry matriarch. You may handle this well in the story, but it jumped out at me in the logline. Entangled also tripped me up. You could drop it and it still works. Entangled is more for conspiracy or lies.
Power struggle also implies for control of something. Can you state what the struggle is over and therefore stating what is at stake and the goal.
Just needs a polish.
See lessA drama series that follows three young aspiring fashion designers as the find themselves entangled in a power struggle against each other and the ruthless matriarch of the Australian fashion industry.
Just one story comment. Aspiring people don't normally have enough power to take on an industry matriarch. You may handle this well in the story, but it jumped out at me in the logline. Entangled also tripped me up. You could drop it and it still works. Entangled is more for conspiracy or lies. PoweRead more
Just one story comment. Aspiring people don’t normally have enough power to take on an industry matriarch. You may handle this well in the story, but it jumped out at me in the logline. Entangled also tripped me up. You could drop it and it still works. Entangled is more for conspiracy or lies.
Power struggle also implies for control of something. Can you state what the struggle is over and therefore stating what is at stake and the goal.
Just needs a polish.
See lessInvestigating a robbery at the State University of New York an FBI agent discovers the item taken was a sample from the Shroud of Turin. This leads him to a conflict with a well funded murderous group of fanatics determined to clone Jesus.
Need to focus on his goal for the logline. The story is told through multiple protagonists. But this is about the line not the script. Good feedback.
Need to focus on his goal for the logline. The story is told through multiple protagonists. But this is about the line not the script. Good feedback.
See less