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When mutilated animals begin showing up in a small Ohio town and all signs begin to point in an impossible, draconic direction, a new sheriff with something to prove must enlist the help of the high school janitor with a mysterious family past to kill the beast before anyone else gets hurt.
Why the janitor? A mysterious family doesn?t really tell us much. ?It is also his family not him. Get rid of MUST, ?give the character some agency. Using must removes choice. A Small town?s new ?sheriff and a Native American mystic working as a janitor team up to defeat a dragon killing cattle beforRead more
Why the janitor? A mysterious family doesn?t really tell us much. ?It is also his family not him. Get rid of MUST, ?give the character some agency. Using must removes choice.
A Small town?s new ?sheriff and a Native American mystic working as a janitor team up to defeat a dragon killing cattle before anyone gets killed.
You could now added the addition overall conflict.
A Small town?s new ?sheriff and a Native American mystic working as a janitor team up to defeat a dragon killing cattle before anyone gets killed. ?But their lack of credibility with the town hampers their effort as their warnings go ignored.
I have no idea if that happens. ?But you have scope if you be more concise with your wording.
See lessWhen their father dies, Jackie goes home to clean out the house and her basement dwelling, incel brother.
You have done what i call a ?shopping list?. ?You have told us an event(s) and not the story. what is learnt? what is hard? what is the conflicts (internal. External)? here is one: Cleaning her dad?s house after his death a woman learns..... so she.... but.....stops her, forcing her to..... to achieRead more
You have done what i call a ?shopping list?. ?You have told us an event(s) and not the story.
what is learnt?
what is hard?
what is the conflicts (internal. External)?
here is one:
Cleaning her dad?s house after his death a woman learns….. so she…. but…..stops her, forcing her to….. to achieve outcome.
See lessOkay Mike you have very invaluable suggestions. Here?s another editing. I removed the spiritual identity part, however, it will still be included in the movie itself because that was one area she was being manipulated by. Also the ?deacon? position is important because it?s about the deception of someone high in the church. While his behavior maybe generally unacceptable, it will be a shock in the eyes of the congregation coming from someone who is supposed to be spiritually matured. I can?t seem to get this around 25 words. Urg? A woman raised in an unscrupulous orphanage hopes of happiness were shattered shortly after marrying a highly respected deacon when he suddenly begins to unleash some familiar abuse upon her. She must now muster up the courage to free herself once and for all.
Let?s go the direction. A woman must muster the ?courage to escape her secretly cruel deacon husband to save her children from the same cruelty she suffered in her orphanage. Now you can add some more. A woman must muster the courage to escape her secretly cruel deacon husband to save her children fRead more
Let?s go the direction.
A woman must muster the ?courage to escape her secretly cruel deacon husband to save her children from the same cruelty she suffered in her orphanage.
Now you can add some more.
A woman must muster the courage to escape her secretly cruel deacon husband to save her children from the same cruelty she suffered in her orphanage knowing she will be blamed and ostracised.
Wordy yes. ?But more detail and added some thought processes for her. ?I think you were burying the story and it was focused on the first act.
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