1. Posted: July 23, 2015In:

    Reluctantly sent to live with his uncle, a troubled boy befriends the uncle’s recently adopted, timid and frightened dog and together face their fears and find the courage to rescue his older brother from a methamphetamine drug ring.

    cryters Penpusher

    How about this instead: Sent to live with his uncle, a boy troubled with trusting authority befriends his uncle?s beautiful, though damaged, dog and together find courage to rescue his older brother from a drug ring.

    How about this instead: Sent to live with his uncle, a boy troubled with trusting authority befriends his uncle?s beautiful, though damaged, dog and together find courage to rescue his older brother from a drug ring.

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  2. Posted: July 23, 2015In:

    When their conversion to goodness is discovered by Lucifer, a young devil and his converted, ‘goody two shoes’ family flee Hell for the suburban life of Canberra where the boy finds that being a horned, red-skinned devil and ‘fitting in’ to Earthly life is not as easy as he thought.

    cryters Penpusher

    or "A persecuted family of good devils flees Hell for Earthly suburbia where they fight to gain acceptance in a neighbourhood embroiled in battling a property developer."

    or “A persecuted family of good devils flees Hell for Earthly suburbia where they fight to gain acceptance in a neighbourhood embroiled in battling a property developer.”

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  3. Posted: July 23, 2015In:

    When their conversion to goodness is discovered by Lucifer, a young devil and his converted, ‘goody two shoes’ family flee Hell for the suburban life of Canberra where the boy finds that being a horned, red-skinned devil and ‘fitting in’ to Earthly life is not as easy as he thought.

    cryters Penpusher

    Thanks Ashley. You're on the money about this being a comedy and about people fleeing their cultures. My story is in fact an allegory for refugees arriving in Australia. The logline I posted is clunky, especially in setting up the MC's goal for overcoming a flaw. Maybe something like this would be bRead more

    Thanks Ashley. You’re on the money about this being a comedy and about people fleeing their cultures. My story is in fact an allegory for refugees arriving in Australia. The logline I posted is clunky, especially in setting up the MC’s goal for overcoming a flaw. Maybe something like this would be better: “Persecuted by Lucifer for having turned into good devils, a devil boy and his family flees Hell for Earthly suburbia where the devil boy saves the neighbourhood from an evil developer.” Your thoughts?

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