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Corporal Brandon Goldstein returns home from Vietnam after a 22 – month deployment, seeking answers why his home and family are gone and nobody recognizes him.
Interesting idea, but I think the way you're expressing it in the logline needs some tightening up. Contemporary Vietnam, or the Vietnam of the war? If this is Vietnam war era, you could make that clear that by starting with a date, e.g. 1971: A Corporal returns ... etc And is it vital that it's thaRead more
Interesting idea, but I think the way you’re expressing it in the logline needs some tightening up.
Contemporary Vietnam, or the Vietnam of the war? If this is Vietnam war era, you could make that clear that by starting with a date, e.g. 1971: A Corporal returns … etc
And is it vital that it’s that era? Period pieces are so much more expensive than contemporary stories, which could lead to your script being rejected simply on cost grounds. Could he just be returning from a contemporary posting?
“seeking answers why” suggests he knew before arriving [and is fairly awkward English as well], so how about “…returns home from deployment only to find his home and family are gone…” etc
There’s always the dilemma of how much of the twist or big revelation you should give away in the logline. Often less is more, but I think you could give us a little more here…
See lessDeep in debt from a loan shark, a young couple makes a DO or DIE decision to pay back a loan by smuggle drugs out of South America. While attempting an on the edge roller coaster ride back home to Los Angeles
I like this a lot better than the other versions of the logline you've posted here - but the second sentence is totally unnecessary. Just stop at the full stop {period] and you have a decent log line. As cynosurer says, "smuggling" - and they're in debt "to" a loan shark, not "from" one.
I like this a lot better than the other versions of the logline you’ve posted here – but the second sentence is totally unnecessary. Just stop at the full stop {period] and you have a decent log line.
As cynosurer says, “smuggling” – and they’re in debt “to” a loan shark, not “from” one.
See lessA naive young intelligence analyst is sent undercover in a group of rogue CIA agents – but as he falls for the glamor of their high-octane lifestyle, he starts to question who the real bad guys are…
Hmmm, that's an interesting approach. It's supposed to be a brief, simple assignment that spirals out of control - and the chance he longs for to move from a desk to the field - which would suggest a less senior officer, but... I'll give that some thought.
Hmmm, that’s an interesting approach. It’s supposed to be a brief, simple assignment that spirals out of control – and the chance he longs for to move from a desk to the field – which would suggest a less senior officer, but… I’ll give that some thought.
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