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A neurotic writer struggles to deal with two failing relationships between his difficult criminal brother, who he breaks out of prison, and his psychotic wife.
Okay, some interesting relationships there. What I think you're missing in the logline is a strong goal for the protagonist, which will hint at what drives the action of the film. For example, is his goal to smuggle his brother out to somewhere with no extradition, and also divorce his wife; or to pRead more
Okay, some interesting relationships there. What I think you’re missing in the logline is a strong goal for the protagonist, which will hint at what drives the action of the film. For example, is his goal to smuggle his brother out to somewhere with no extradition, and also divorce his wife; or to prove his brother’s innocence and also get back together with his wife; or…? If you see what I mean.
See lessSleepless Judge is a comedy action about a corrupt prosecutor who became victim of corruption himself after a wealthy banker who has an eye on his wife let him fall into an ambush after which he gets in jail for bank robbery, to prove his innocence Chris must find withheld evidence, for achieving this goal he needs help from some other immates who are also victims of his corruption practices.
That's a lot better. I think you could be a bit more specific about the purpose of the evidence: "must find the evidence that will clear his name, that he can..." etc Present tense for loglines, so "becomes a victim of corruption"
That’s a lot better. I think you could be a bit more specific about the purpose of the evidence: “must find the evidence that will clear his name, that he can…” etc
Present tense for loglines, so “becomes a victim of corruption”
See lessSleepless Judge is a comedy action about a corrupt prosecutor who became victim of corruption himself after a wealthy banker who has an eye on his wife let him fall into an ambush after which he gets in jail for bank robbery, to prove his innocence Chris must find withheld evidence, for achieving this goal he needs help from some other immates who are also victims of his corruption practices.
Yup, definitely too much information crammed in there. It sounds to me like it boils down to something like... "A corrupt prosecutor is framed for robbery by a banker who lusts after his wife. To prove his innocence, he must turn to the people he himself framed..." (But in your own words, obviously.Read more
Yup, definitely too much information crammed in there. It sounds to me like it boils down to something like… “A corrupt prosecutor is framed for robbery by a banker who lusts after his wife. To prove his innocence, he must turn to the people he himself framed…” (But in your own words, obviously.)
That has some potential: there’s irony there, and a potential ticking clock…
See less