1. Posted: March 19, 2020In:

    ?When her husband tragically dies, a depressed young widow honors his last wish to pass along his sacred heirloom to their firstborn son; otherwise, a generation of blessings will turn to generations of curses. But after a ruthless adversary steals the heirloom, ?the widow struggles to retrieve it before an evil curse is brought upon her son.

    deborah_b Logliner

    Hey Melissa! I feel like your logline is basically this: a ruthless adversary steals the heirloom, the widow struggles to retrieve it before an evil curse is brought upon her son. With a bit of tidy-up. Like: When a ruthless demon/warlock/lawyer/rival steals a heirloom, a widow must struggle to retrRead more

    Hey Melissa! I feel like your logline is basically this:

    a ruthless adversary steals the heirloom, the widow struggles to retrieve it before an evil curse is brought upon her son.

    With a bit of tidy-up. Like:

    When a ruthless demon/warlock/lawyer/rival steals a heirloom, a widow must struggle to retrieve it before an evil curse claims her son’s life.

    Drama, horror, or supernatural? Whichever! I’d watch it. 🙂

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  2. Posted: March 16, 2020In:

    After a heated fallout with her former band mate, a determined singer signs a deal with a ruthless CEO unknowingly in the gangster lifestyle, who fills her head with promises and solo stardom, as she forms a greed dictated rivalry with her formal partner that culminates to tragedy.

    deborah_b Logliner

    Cool concept. You've got some nice specifics. Maybe too many. ;) I'd start with your protagonist and give her one goal. I feel like she's got 2 goals here: a) success (I figure it's 'success', since she's determined in some way) and b) rivalry with her former bandmate. So, start with 'A determined sRead more

    Cool concept.

    You’ve got some nice specifics. Maybe too many. 😉

    I’d start with your protagonist and give her one goal. I feel like she’s got 2 goals here: a) success (I figure it’s ‘success’, since she’s determined in some way) and b) rivalry with her former bandmate.

    So, start with ‘A determined singer must GOAL or else STAKES’.

    Or: ‘A singer’s rivalry with her former bandmate leads to tragedy when SHE DOES SOMETHING TERRIBLE’.

    The theme sounds like it might be greed versus humanity, or similar? The theme itself might guide which goal you choose. And so will the tragedy — if it’s at the start of the story, then it might be an inciting incident, and worth mentioning. If at the end, then you might not want to mention it in your logline — let the suspense unfold as it may. 🙂

    Keep us posted!

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  3. Posted: March 14, 2020In:

    After being hired by the CIA as a mercenary, a man teams up with four other mercenaries to stop drug lords from taking a plane hostage.

    deborah_b Logliner

    I like the idea of outlaws (i.e. mercenaries) having to operate inside the law. And I like the idea of 4 loners coming together to form a team. So I'm on board with the concept. What I'm wondering is: do you need the CIA in this scenario? Or does the CIA hire the 4 mercenaries IN ORDER TO stop the dRead more

    I like the idea of outlaws (i.e. mercenaries) having to operate inside the law. And I like the idea of 4 loners coming together to form a team. So I’m on board with the concept.

    What I’m wondering is: do you need the CIA in this scenario? Or does the CIA hire the 4 mercenaries IN ORDER TO stop the drug lords?

    If so, I begin to wonder: are they ON the plane? Or is it a race to stop the plane? Or does it work some other way? And why these 4? How would mercenaries stop a plane — or drug lords? Wait, why drug lords? Is it a plane heist or a shoot-em-up?

    I think you can clarify some of these questions quite simply, though. Maybe focus on a) your protagonist and b) your timeline. So:

    The world’s most wanted mercenary is blackmailed by the CIA to take out a terrorist cell during a mid-air hijack.

    Or however your story rolls!

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