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When dark and disturbing children’s drawings come alive. Its creator, a little girl distressed and insecure, must face and erase these drawings from her life before they control her forever.
Great concept! I like your second revision. It's not clear to me, though, what the stakes are in that second revision. WHY must she find a way to get rid of her disturbing art creations, and HOW are they tormenting her? I like that the drawings are coming to life, and I'd try to keep that element. 'Read more
Great concept! I like your second revision.
It’s not clear to me, though, what the stakes are in that second revision. WHY must she find a way to get rid of her disturbing art creations, and HOW are they tormenting her?
I like that the drawings are coming to life, and I’d try to keep that element. ‘When her terrifying drawings come to life, a young orphan must find a way to stop her own nightmare images from killing her.’ For example.
Keep it up!
See lessA jealous mediocre court composer blocks the career and plots the death of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
Good film! > A jealous mediocre court composer blocks the career and plots the death of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. I would tinker with it this way: A jealous composer plots the death of his rival, the more talented Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. That gets us through the drama faster. I did stumble over tRead more
Good film!
I would tinker with it this way:
A jealous composer plots the death of his rival, the more talented Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
That gets us through the drama faster. I did stumble over the adjectives — and mistook court for a law court…
Since you have space for more words, you could also add something about Mozart not only being more talented but highly celebrated, or similar. Play on the fact one is known and one is unknown.
See lessA military veteran eagerly tries to start the next chapter of his life but runs into Murphy’s Law at pretty much every turn, testing his resiliency.
I would start by working out specifically what the next chapter of his life is. For example, if he's restoring his grandfather's house or counselling troubled teens or reconciling with his daughter, or picking up where he left off in his business, etc. Those are quite specific (and different) storieRead more
I would start by working out specifically what the next chapter of his life is. For example, if he’s restoring his grandfather’s house or counselling troubled teens or reconciling with his daughter, or picking up where he left off in his business, etc. Those are quite specific (and different) stories, which will give your reader a better sense of the movie.
Then I’d work out what the Murphy’s Law aspect is — and try to personify it, if you can. So: if building a house, he’s doing it on the Mosquito Coast during cyclone season. If daughter, she’s at the mercy of her drug-dealing boyfriend or her pimp or whatever. If business, he finds out his partner is embezzling funds, etc.
I just spotted your Pursuit of Happyness reference: so if he falls into homelessness (specific story), then he ends up having to battle a welfare system that ignores military vets, maybe?
Good luck! Get back to us with an update. 🙂
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