1. Posted: March 3, 2020In:

    A widower, coping with the suicide of her wife, must battle against a corrupt corporate superpower and control to her growing supernatural abilities to save her daughter who they claim does not exist.

    deborah_b Logliner

    I'm intrigued. I'm wondering where the daughter is, if it's possible to claim she doesn't exist. I'm also slightly confused by the worldbuilding: superpowers AND supernatural abilities (i.e. superpowers)? Maybe 'when her daughter goes missing, a grieving widow must take on a global conspiracy and coRead more

    I’m intrigued. I’m wondering where the daughter is, if it’s possible to claim she doesn’t exist.

    I’m also slightly confused by the worldbuilding: superpowers AND supernatural abilities (i.e. superpowers)?

    Maybe ‘when her daughter goes missing, a grieving widow must take on a global conspiracy and control her own superpowers in order to get her daughter back’ — or similar. Inciting incident + character type + necessary action + ‘in order to achieve’ + goal.

    Sounds like a good story. I would go see this.

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  2. Posted: March 6, 2020In: ,

    After a plane crash strands him on a remote island, a hard-driving Fedex executive, who never had time for a personal life, now has all the time in the world to merely survive.

    deborah_b Logliner

    I don't respond to 'merely survive' as an intriguing goal. I think there's something more thematic available. Like: has to make a journey inside; travels inside to confront his own ...; makes an internal journey to the heart of what drives him; finds a new way to live. Cheesy? Sure. Also I feel likeRead more

    I don’t respond to ‘merely survive’ as an intriguing goal. I think there’s something more thematic available. Like: has to make a journey inside; travels inside to confront his own …; makes an internal journey to the heart of what drives him; finds a new way to live. Cheesy? Sure.

    Also I feel like ‘no time for a personal life’ isn’t quite the journey, because surely he has no personal life as a castaway either? So there’s no progress or answer or response. Maybe he’s trying to outrun himself/his ego/his sense of self-worth when he hits the island and now he can’t run any further, and his challenge is personal. (The FedEx role seems spot on, thematically.)

    An external goal AND an internal goal would be ideal, of course.? He must find a way to survive the empty island while confronting the emptiness he feels inside. Or whatever it is he does. Or similar. I haven’t seen the movie, so can’t offer more.

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  3. Posted: March 5, 2020In:

    A teenager must confront the father she put in prison before he wreacks havoc on her life and ruins her first chance at love.

    Best Answer
    deborah_b Logliner

    Hmm, not sure I agree with all your points, mrliteral, but I'm intrigued by the exercise, so: A teenager is targetted by the ex-con father that?blames her for his arrest, and must risk being rejected by everyone she loves when she exposes her complicity in her?father's terrible crimes.

    Hmm, not sure I agree with all your points, mrliteral, but I’m intrigued by the exercise, so:

    A teenager is targetted by the ex-con father that?blames her for his arrest, and must risk being rejected by everyone she loves when she exposes her complicity in her?father’s terrible crimes.

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