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“the sleight of hand”
"After following a street magician, the broke journalist gets haunted by a small group of wizards for discovering it wasn?t just a sleight of hand." This logline puts the inciting incident last. A problem I see is with the antagonists. Why do these wizards care? What do they gain by haunting him? IfRead more
“After following a street magician, the broke journalist gets haunted by a small group of wizards for discovering it wasn?t just a sleight of hand.”
This logline puts the inciting incident last. A problem I see is with the antagonists. Why do these wizards care? What do they gain by haunting him? If they have a problem with a someone learning about magic, why not kill or kidnap him? Doesn’t haunting just clear any doubt from his mind of what he saw? Basically, what is the motivation of the antagonists?
See lessThe bigger problem, though, is that the protagonist himself displays no motivation, pursues no goal of his own. As a result of discovering that magic is real, what does he do?
In response to your question “how do I make him (just a journalist) fight real wizards?” My answer is: Why does he need to fight them in the first place?
“can i make his camera *magical after a ?spell gone wrong?, for him to find out later?” It’s your story, you can do what you want. I would recommend something like that if you want this character to battle experienced wizards.
I hope this helps.
to live a little longer
"A lost vegan food critic at the centre of two primitive competitive tribes must convince them all into ?one big happy vegetarian village? before the next bounty fest, where they compete over their rights to eat him.." This premise seems too much like a white savior trope.? Where the primitive and uRead more
“A lost vegan food critic at the centre of two primitive competitive tribes must convince them all into ?one big happy vegetarian village? before the next bounty fest, where they compete over their rights to eat him..”
This premise seems too much like a white savior trope.? Where the primitive and unintelligent savages who have their own culture are “saved” by the foreigner who comes in and teaches them their?own living style, and somehow in the process they learn the culture of the people better than they know it.
See lessThis also runs into the problem where the story seems to want these tribes to be primitive and ignorant of modern society, yet they know about standardized testing in modern education institutions, yet they are confused with the concept of eating plants?
Cannibalism is certainly real and it is still what some people around the world do.(from a simple Google search it seems most don’t kill the humans they consume unless it is an enemy intruder, but many eat corpses for religious practices.) My point being that there are nuanced reasons why cannibals consume human flesh, but this logline presents a “these dumb savages don’t know how to farm” situation.
Look at Hannibal, the NBC series, and other iterations of Hannibal Lecter. (Hannibal is the only version I am familiar with, though I do plan to watch “Silence of the Lambs”) Hannibal is extremely intelligent, a well adjusted human being who knows that other people find his dining desires disgusting. He is a nuanced and developed character.
That’s just my take. I get it’s a comedy, but that doesn’t mean it can’t have complex characters with interesting and developed motivations and goals. Going along with that, what is the motivation and goal for these tribes? Why do they want to eat this man?
I hope this helps.
Terrified of his parents suspicions, a freshly outed gay high school senior must get a girlfriend so his parents will think he is straight.
Stakes are simply the consequences that will occur if a character fails at their goal. Failing to stop a shark before eating people, means that those people will be eaten. Stakes have to be set up. Why is getting a date to prom so important? What negative consequence will happen if he fails? Why isRead more
Stakes are simply the consequences that will occur if a character fails at their goal. Failing to stop a shark before eating people, means that those people will be eaten.
Stakes have to be set up. Why is getting a date to prom so important? What negative consequence will happen if he fails? Why is it important to him? If you don’t know, I don’t the script will be able to convey it to a producer who’s reading it.
I suggest reading through the other loglines labelled under Drama and Comedy on this site. Read through the feedback and try to apply that to your own logline.
I just don’t follow the logic of why he must be a gay bestfriend in order to get a date. What’s the conflict? Who’s the antagonist?
Here’s an example using elements from you logline: When his homophobic parents confront him about being gay, a closeted nerd must convince a popular cheerleader to go?to prom with him so his parents won’t send him to conversion therapy. (32)
While i do identify antagonists and stakes in my example, it doesn’t present a concept that would take up a feature length movie.
The problem seems to be that the logline doesn’t present a clear, logical plot that is unique. The logline describes a concept that displays a stereotypical role, and it doesn’t describe conflict. Quite simply, what’s stopping him from getting a date just by asking someone? How does being outed at school directly connect to having to get a date for prom? ?How does acting like a gay best friend get him a date to prom?
For general information, review the Formula tab at the top of the page, and like I mentioned earlier, study other people’s posts and the feedback they receive. I know from experience that learning to review other loglines immensely helps with writing your own.
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