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Terrified of his parents suspicions, a freshly outed gay high school senior must get a girlfriend so his parents will think he is straight.
This logline is confusing. First of all, take a girl to what? The inciting incident lacks a causal relationship with the action of the story. How does people finding out he's gay make him have to go with a girl? T Why does he have to take a girl in the first place? Do you mean his parents don't knowRead more
This logline is confusing. First of all, take a girl to what? The inciting incident lacks a causal relationship with the action of the story. How does people finding out he’s gay make him have to go with a girl? T Why does he have to take a girl in the first place? Do you mean his parents don’t know?
There’s simply a number of actions that he could take to keep his family from knowing, if that’s the problem. Such as: 1) don’t go to the dance or party or whatever. 2) Go with a group of friends and meet up with his real date. 3) If it’s that important to appear to have a female date, then you know, just ask a female. Or tell a female friend of his situation so she can act like his date.
The logline is unclear and lacks stakes. What happens if he doesn’t find a female to go with him?
See lessWhen a portal to hell mysteriously opens, an inexperienced mage born of the hellish dimension, is the only one who can close it and bring peace to the kingdom.
"When a portal to hell mysteriously opens, an inexperienced mage born of the hellish dimension, is the only one who can close it and bring peace to the kingdom." This logline is structurally sound and conceptually interesting. The only problem I see is that logline makes a case for why the mage?shouRead more
“When a portal to hell mysteriously opens, an inexperienced mage born of the hellish dimension, is the only one who can close it and bring peace to the kingdom.”
This logline is structurally sound and conceptually interesting. The only problem I see is that logline makes a case for why the mage?should close it rather than why he?must?close it. By that I mean, sure, ?it’s the right thing to do, but what motivates the mage to do it? What are the stakes if he doesn’t? The only description of the portal’s effects are bring mages through. What’s so bad about that? It can, of course, be implied that demons come through, so describe that rather than simply saying “bring peace to the kingdom”.
See lessThe problem lies with the inciting incident. It seems fine, it’s a specific, singular event. But an inciting incident should be an event which directly affects the protagonist, something that upends the character’s life and forever changes their status quo, forcing them from inaction into proactively pursuing their objective goal.
So, what event make the mage realize he’s the only one who can, who?must pursue this goal, who must close this portal?
That psychedelic drug would be developed by the person who cooked it getting to the highest purity range In the planet,in/on each individual will be processed differently and this is what alarms the person because it’d mean the reality on this world that the consumer is expiriencing COULD change.An entity would change it,anentity that uses the connection that occurs when the receptors in the brain receive the substance molecule(which can be related to all psychedelic drugs known to mankind including “the god’s molecule”) as it’s path to communicate with the person(man or woman). thriller/enhancer/ introspective/suspense (don’t think about stealing it or filtering it…this entity will know…I AM THE OWNER).
Yunsa: This doesn't seem to be a synopsis, and it definitely isn't a logline. In 109 words the post doesn't establish a protagonist, an antagonist, or any sort of plot. This post uses story-specific elements that make no sense out of context and I can't make much sense out of it. I thought this concRead more
Yunsa:
This doesn’t seem to be a synopsis, and it definitely isn’t a logline. In 109 words the post doesn’t establish a protagonist, an antagonist, or any sort of plot. This post uses story-specific elements that make no sense out of context and I can’t make much sense out of it.
I thought this concept was familiar and it turns out you’ve posted this concept before. ?The first attempt was better than this, but still needed a polish. There are five different reviews on that post and you don’t seem to have studied any of the feedback given to you in an attempt to make a better logline. So, please review the Formula tab at the top of the page, read through the feedback you’ve already received, and look through other people’s loglines and the feedback they’ve received and try to gain a better understanding of forming a logline. An even better way to learn to understand a logline is to post reviews on other people’s, try to decide and understand what works and doesn’t in their loglines.
See lessIn other words, please try your best to create a logline for your concept that is as close to the standard format so the other members can be as efficient and effective as possible in helping you revise it. If nothing else just describe the protagonist and the objective goal they pursue.