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When a girl falls in love with an alien, she must fight to stop the government and developers from destroying the lake that keeps him alive. This is a mixed genre – Thriller/Sci-Fi/Romance.
"When a corrupt land developer threatens to destroy the lake of her alien boyfriend,?a savvy teenager must use her strange genetics to save the lake and keep her boyfriend alive." I this logline is an improvement. But there are still a few things. What does "strange genetics" mean? Does she have supRead more
“When a corrupt land developer threatens to destroy the lake of her alien boyfriend,?a savvy teenager must use her strange genetics to save the lake and keep her boyfriend alive.”
I this logline is an improvement. But there are still a few things.
See lessWhat does “strange genetics” mean? Does she have superpowers? What will that mean on screen? What will we see? That description doesn’t create a clear, visual image in my head.
The other thing that stands out is the antagonist. What do they want? Why do they want it? Or are they evil just to be evil? What I do, and recommend is to create a separate logline from the perspective of the antagonist, to make sure you know their motivation and goal. Is the antagonist a compelling character, does the audience understand why they are doing what they are doing?
When a girl falls in love with an alien, she must fight to stop the government and developers from destroying the lake that keeps him alive. This is a mixed genre – Thriller/Sci-Fi/Romance.
JayGee, Please keep all revisions of a single logline in one thread, at least until it on the 2nd or third page of loglines. I don't know if you posted by accident, but three versions of the same logline have been posted, and they are all the same. There was no need to post a new thread at all. AnywRead more
JayGee,
Please keep all revisions of a single logline in one thread, at least until it on the 2nd or third page of loglines. I don’t know if you posted by accident, but three versions of the same logline have been posted, and they are all the same. There was no need to post a new thread at all.
Anyway: “When a girl falls in love with an alien, she must fight to stop the government and developers from destroying the lake that keeps him alive.
“When a girl falls in love with an alien, ”
May seem like a good inciting incident, and it could be. But the inciting incident should be a specific event which logically would lead the action of the story.
For example, in Star Wars the inciting incident is when Luke’s family is killed, not when he meets Ben Kenobi, not when he buys the droids. When he returns and finds his home destroyed he decides to join Ben Kenobi to learn to become a Jedi and fight the Empire.
So what happens that makes her realize her boyfriend’s lake is in danger? Is he attacked? Do they threaten her? What happens, which leads to her having to protect it?
Example:?After her alien boyfriend is poisoned, an impulsive woman must use his strange weaponry to fight off government mercenaries from destroying the lake that keeps him alive. (27)
Your new?version of the logline is better because it describes a single goal. It provides an interesting premise and hook. I don’t watch Romance stories usually, but this story has my interest.
See lessI hope this helps.
Seduced into a world of drugs, sex, and money after abandoning her loved ones, model-slash-actress hopeful must determine if losing herself, is worth it to become a star.
For the logline I suggest only focusing on the pilot. And as I said before, the pilot should be a self-contained story, a story that shows what the series is about, and opens up ways to continue, but is almost like a movie. So, what plotline does the pilot focus on, what character is the main focus?
For the logline I suggest only focusing on the pilot. And as I said before, the pilot should be a self-contained story, a story that shows what the series is about, and opens up ways to continue, but is almost like a movie. So, what plotline does the pilot focus on, what character is the main focus?
See less