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After trapping himself in an alternate universe, a Mage and his split consciousness must commune with the common realm to defeat the dark forces that threaten their existence.
"In a sense, Dkpough1, his split consciousness is, all three. You might compare it to being a young clone of himself (a character). He needs to raise (a goal) and train it to be just as or more powerful as/than he is (tool).?Keep in mind, this is separate from the pupil in the common realm. He has tRead more
“In a sense, Dkpough1, his split consciousness is, all three. You might compare it to being a young clone of himself (a character). He needs to raise (a goal) and train it to be just as or more powerful as/than he is (tool).?Keep in mind, this is separate from the pupil in the common realm. He has to train them both, then they have to use their combined powers to open a portal that would release him from this alternate realm.”
-I think this part here is the part your logline should be about. Drop the evil king and paint the story as a powerful mage who is used to being able to do things with a wave of his hand, i.e alone, now having to rely on a young pupil and his ‘clone’. Maybe make him be arrogant and then learn to be humble.
“Now, I didn?t list this, because it gets complicated, but one of the primary obstacles is that the Mage and the alternate realm that they are in is tied to an artifact in the common realm. As long as they are within proximity to each other, their powers increase, and, as well, they can communicate more easily.”
-I need a little clarification. So are you referring to Mage and pupil in the common realm in this part? Because you go on to say that the clone and the Mage get stronger/weaker depending on their distance.
Suggestion:?A Mage, separated from his Consciousness and trapped in an alternate dimension, must communicate with his pupil in his original dimension so they can combine their power so he can return home.?(~32 words)
I’m not sure I like this because it doesn’t raise any stakes. Maybe you could try dropping the other pupil in the logline and then maybe focus on the King.
A Mage and his Consciousness must return to their original dimension so they can stop a corrupt King from amassing an inter-dimensional army so he can kill all of the mages in the world.?(~36 words.)
Just made up the kill mages part, but this one gives the Mage a reason to need to return.
One last try:?When a Mage finds out his corrupt King is amassing an inter-dimensional army, the Mage, split from his consciousness, must return to his dimension in order to stop him.?(29 words)
See lessAfter trapping himself in an alternate universe, a Mage and his split consciousness must commune with the common realm to defeat the dark forces that threaten their existence.
"I should have punctuated it with an emoticon: I was being facetious in a call back to something Castler Media posted earlier." Ah. Yes, I did not pick up on the tone. It was quite subtle. And again, odd, because you seemed to be changing direction from your position. Castler Media: What role exactlRead more
“I should have punctuated it with an emoticon: I was being facetious in a call back to something Castler Media posted earlier.” Ah. Yes, I did not pick up on the tone. It was quite subtle. And again, odd, because you seemed to be changing direction from your position.
See lessCastler Media: What role exactly does the split consciousness play? Is it a tool, an obstacle, a goal, another character even? Some combination? Perhaps if you define it for us we will be able to work it into our suggestions in the capacity you’re using it in your story.
Again, my only problem with it in the original logline was that it seemed to be just thrown in. Like so:
The original: “After trapping himself in an alternate universe, a Mage and his split consciousness must commune with the common realm to defeat the dark forces that threaten their existence.”
Revised:?After trapping himself in an alternate universe, a Mage?and his split consciousness?must commune with the common realm to defeat the dark forces that threaten their existence.
It literally adds nothing but an intrigue factor. Unlike using it as an obstacle: …a Mage must?find?his separated consciousness in order to…
or tool:
…a Mage must?use?his split consciousness in order to…
goal:… a Mage must defeat the King in order to reunite with his consciousness.
If it is a character, I suppose the way you had originally would work. Though maybe consider saying: …a Mage and his Consciousness… which implies ‘split’ but establishes it is a character on its own.
I also still think you should consider making the consciousness linked to his magic, and thus when they are separated it weakens/completely depowers the Mage. That way it creates more challenge.
After trapping himself in an alternate universe, a Mage and his split consciousness must commune with the common realm to defeat the dark forces that threaten their existence.
"Okay, ?Game of Thrones?.? And what precipitates and drives? the story line?? A civil war, adults engaged in a never, ever-ending struggle for power. Oh, how trite, how banal!? And it also happens to be an age old, universal conflict." Studios are looking for things similar, familiar, or just plainRead more
“Okay, ?Game of Thrones?.? And what precipitates and drives? the story line?? A civil war, adults engaged in a never, ever-ending struggle for power. Oh, how trite, how banal!? And it also happens to be an age old, universal conflict.”
See lessStudios are looking for things similar, familiar, or just plain done before to play on the nostalgia factor and increase viewership. So, you pointing out the lack of originality is odd?because earlier you suggested Castler Media change the story to be just like previous ones, i.e, being trite and banal.??And, as I said before, Castler Media’s premise is actually pretty great in taking used concepts but changing it to be something different. While not a civil war, the Mage wants to overthrow the King. The evil king who is trying to make a huge, unstoppable army. It paints the Mage, while he has his magic, in an underdog role. Will the people of the kingdom support the Mage trying to kill their king, or the King who has ruled them for however long? And what about the army? The odds seem stacked against the Mage, but rather than the usual ‘young boy meets old, wise master of the arts and learns the arts so well that he is able to defy all odds and defeat his enemy’, Castler Media has an established character who has to find a way to use his skills, and his resources in order to defeat a threat.
It seems to me like his story as is could easily be made into a franchise. After the Mage’s story, there could be sequels, he could then spin-off the tales of the pupils. He could go back and tell the story of the Mage’s beginnings. Or maybe there’s another supporting character to spin-off.
So, rather than using pre-existing material, Castler Media’s premise is using a similar feel to established stories, while also separating itself and being different.(unless it actually is based on an existing property.)