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When his daughter commits suicide after witnessing her ex-con boyfriend shot to death, a father-before-a-cop helps Internal Affairs investigators in a sting operation to nail the dirty cops responsible.
"I dunno. ?I ?feel the daughter?s suicide may be over the top and not necessary." I think it works. Though in order for it to work you may need to add a harassment angle. Something like, she and her boyfriend(I suggest not making him an ex-con at all, but simply POC?male who did nothing wrong) are hRead more
“I dunno. ?I ?feel the daughter?s suicide may be over the top and not necessary.” I think it works.
See lessThough in order for it to work you may need to add a harassment angle. Something like, she and her boyfriend(I suggest not making him an ex-con at all, but simply POC?male who did nothing wrong) are harassed by the police, and she gets depressed, and then when she watches her boyfriend shot for no good reason, she is driven to suicide.
So, not only is his daughter dead, but she was suffering the whole time. The only thing the father can think of is to put these people to justice. I suppose that’s a bit interesting in itself, rather than take revenge he wants justice. That separates it from most stories similar to this.
Also, then you could have something that daughter believed in is what drives him to justice, not revenge.
That’s my take, anyway.
A schizophrenic ex-serviceman wants to revenge his imaginary wife and her lover!
"The ?big reveal? is a cliche that has been used many times ? ?it was all a dream??" Yes, this is true. But rather than have it be a big reveal(since it wouldn't be that surprising due to the schizophrenia) I think it would be much more interesting to have him constantly questioning whether what heRead more
“The ?big reveal? is a cliche that has been used many times ? ?it was all a dream??” Yes, this is true.
See lessBut rather than have it be a big reveal(since it wouldn’t be that surprising due to the schizophrenia) I think it would be much more interesting to have him constantly questioning whether what he is experiencing is reality or imaginary.
But what is the plot? He’s a veteran, certainly he could easily kill his wife, and her lover, whether in his imagination or reality.
Just a thought, you could add a “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” type feel to it, so when he goes to kill his wife, he finds out that she is an agent/spy/soldier.
In order to incorporate what I said above, leave out that his wife is imaginary altogether, mentioning schizophrenia will insert that doubt.
Anyway, you have his goal, now what does he do to achieve it?
When a manic-depressive sharpshooter?s mother is assassinated, he marauds a criminal empire for the elusive hit-man responsible.
Isn't "manic-depressive" just 'bipolar'? That seems much easier to say. Anyway, you have a the goal, to kill the hitman. No need to include the therapist in the logline, though it does add an interesting element, but it just doesn't seem relevant the way you put it in. The problem that arises in thiRead more
Isn’t “manic-depressive” just ‘bipolar’? That seems much easier to say.
See lessAnyway, you have a the goal, to kill the hitman. No need to include the therapist in the logline, though it does add an interesting element, but it just doesn’t seem relevant the way you put it in.
The problem that arises in this logline. What exactly does he do? So far, you have “marauds”, and he kidnaps his therapist. The latter of which does absolutely nothing to get him closer to his objective goal.
Here is an example, using elements from your logline, but I put my own spin on it: When a bipolar sharpshooter’s mother is killed, he starts torturing criminals for information on the hitman who killed her.
His action is clear. He looks for information, by torturing criminals who might have it.
So far, your first version of the logline is a better logline, but the second version is a more interesting story to me.