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All the King’s Women- When they become fed up with being one of the king’s many “fair maidens”, three wenches conspire to kill him, but when the queen dies and the king announces his plan to remarry, the three turn on each other as they vie to be the next lady of royalty.
I agree with dpg that the conflict is presented in the logline. However I think the logline might benefit from describing a clear visual action that the protagonists perform on screen to achieve their goal. In what manner do they compete? Do they play a game? Do they have a beauty contest? How is thRead more
I agree with dpg that the conflict is presented in the logline. However I think the logline might benefit from describing a clear visual action that the protagonists perform on screen to achieve their goal. In what manner do they compete? Do they play a game? Do they have a beauty contest? How is that three wenches are even able to catch the attention of the king?
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"After 35 years as the most storied and controversial figure in Jr High Talent Shows, flamboyant show producer Mick Phillips sits down with award winning journalist Scott North for a behind the scenes look at creating the nations? most memorable moments of mediocrity. From nauseating displays of schRead more
“After 35 years as the most storied and controversial figure in Jr High Talent Shows, flamboyant show producer Mick Phillips sits down with award winning journalist Scott North for a behind the scenes look at creating the nations? most memorable moments of mediocrity. From nauseating displays of school spirit to launching the career of legendary blues man Don ?Whitey? Donaldson, Phillips and North take viewers down a painfully pubescent rabbit hole in the quest for popularity and social acceptance.” (79 words)
This logline suffers from many problems. Please review the Formula tab at the top of the page for general information on creating a standard logline.
First thing, unless the character is part of a well-established franchise or is a well-known historical figure, do not use their name in the logline, but an adjective or occupation. Preferably describe a flaw which will become an obstacle to achieving their goal or a skill which will help them achieve it.
See lessAlso the logline doesn’t describe a clear,?visual?goal which the character pursues. What does the protagonist want? What is the thing that creates the conflict of the story? Because I can’t recognize any conflict from the logline. ?And what is the action we see on screen?
Since the logline is labelled as a Comedy, it should focus on the comedic situation is. In other words: What’s the hook? What is it about this story that will make a producer want to make this over the other 999?comedy scripts being pitched to him/her?
I hope this helps.
Vowlence- In the year 2050, matrimony’s perfect success rate is challenged when a “created” spouse falls for someone other than her creator and falls in love with having a choice.
"In the year 2050, matrimony?s perfect success rate is challenged when a ?created? spouse falls for someone other than her creator and falls in love with having a choice." While this is an interesting idea, the logline doesn't describe any visual action and it doesn't describe the goal of the protagRead more
“In the year 2050, matrimony?s perfect success rate is challenged when a ?created? spouse falls for someone other than her creator and falls in love with having a choice.”
While this is an interesting idea, the logline doesn’t describe any visual action and it doesn’t describe the goal of the protagonist. As a result of falling in love with someone she isn’t supposed to, what does this lead her to do?
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