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Imprisoned in an apartment with a complete stranger, an idealist twenty-something has to find a way to save herself and the world population from the secret organization holding her captive.
That again brings up my question of what exactly is this girl going to do? The President of the United States alone commands the world's most well trained and funded army, and scientists and some of the most advanced technology on the planet. But before she can even get to that level she somehow hasRead more
That again brings up my question of what exactly is this girl going to do? The President of the United States alone commands the world’s most well trained and funded army, and scientists and some of the most advanced technology on the planet. But before she can even get to that level she somehow has to get her captors to confess information that the President is indeed apart of this conspiracy, and then somehow find a way to take this organization down? I like a good thriller but for one movie, and for one girl whom you haven’t specified to have any sort of training, this seems too big. Don’t be afraid to go low scale, a personal story. Not every story needs to have the hero saving the world. Take John Wick for example.
See lessSomething I often recommend is to really think out the antagonist’s goals and motivations. I go as far as making a logline for the antagonist. A good antagonist poses a realistic threat for the protagonist(meaning there shouldn’t be absolutely no hope of beating them, which the more you explain your story the more unrealistic it seems she has any chance of beating this group, but also enough of a challenge to make the story interesting) should be more than just a bad guy for being a bad guy.
Another thing is what differentiates this from other conspiracy, plotting the end of the world movies? What’s the hook? The original angle or the interesting twist on an established trope?
After she is possessed by two unresting young souls to avenge their deaths by an un- remorseful negligent nurse, a little girl must find the exorcist who can deliver her before she kills her negligent parents.
"After she is possessed by two unresting young souls to avenge their deaths by an un- remorseful negligent nurse, a little girl must find the exorcist who can deliver her before she kills her negligent parents." The logline is worded awkwardly, and the last part is confusing. The beginning sets up aRead more
“After she is possessed by two unresting young souls to avenge their deaths by an un- remorseful negligent nurse, a little girl must find the exorcist who can deliver her before she kills her negligent parents.”
The logline is worded awkwardly, and the last part is confusing. The beginning sets up an interesting situation and then it gets muddled. It makes sense that the vengeful spirits would direct her to kill their murderer, but how does she end up almost killing her own parents? Also, rather than describe the girl as young, describe her personality, or some type of skill which she will use in the story.
Example:?After she is possessed by two vengeful spirits in order to exact revenge on their remorseless?nurse, ?a devout girl must find an exorcist who can remove the spirits before she murders the nurse.? (34)
My example could be better but I’ve included the suggestions I gave to you, by keeping the goal focused on what arises from the inciting incident, and I described her devout because it instantly brings to mind that she would be uncomfortable with this spirits due to her religion.
I hope this helps.
See lessImprisoned in an apartment with a complete stranger, an idealist twenty-something has to find a way to save herself and the world population from the secret organization holding her captive.
"Imprisoned in an apartment with a complete stranger, an idealist twenty-something has to find a way to save herself and the world population from the secret organization holding her captive." Why does this organization kidnap her? What's so special about the MC? Does she pose some kind of threat toRead more
“Imprisoned in an apartment with a complete stranger, an idealist twenty-something has to find a way to save herself and the world population from the secret organization holding her captive.”
Why does this organization kidnap her? What’s so special about the MC? Does she pose some kind of threat to them, and that’s why they’ve kidnapped her? ?Also, what skills or abilities does she have that enables her to fight back? How does this organization threaten the population? What kind of organization? A rogue division of the government? A terrorist organization? Don’t be vague, a logline is used to sell the script to someone who has money to invest into the project. They’ll want to know what they’re spending money on.
Example:?When she is kidnapped by a secret spy organization, a conspiracy theorist must find a way to escape and prevent the organization from unleashing a deadly plague.?(27)
While my example may not be what your story is, I’ve included what I’ve suggested. I’ve specified what kind of organization it is, and implied a reason they may want to kidnap the MC, the fact that she’s a conspiracy theorist implies that she found something they didn’t want her. And I’ve specified what kind of threat the organization poses to the world. Now, what are the actual details of your story?
I hope this helps.
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