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Reword: Imprisoned in an apartment with a complete stranger, a humanitarian twenty-something has to a find a way to save the world and its population before her abductors? plan unfolds.
Your best bet is to describe a character flaw or a trait which will become an obstacle to her goal. Something which implies an inner conflict during the story. ?Maybe something like 'stubborn' or something. Also, I think it would help you if you described the way which the organization will kill humRead more
Your best bet is to describe a character flaw or a trait which will become an obstacle to her goal. Something which implies an inner conflict during the story. ?Maybe something like ‘stubborn’ or something. Also, I think it would help you if you described the way which the organization will kill humanity, rather than being vague.?
See lessReword: Imprisoned in an apartment with a complete stranger, a humanitarian twenty-something has to a find a way to save the world and its population before her abductors? plan unfolds.
"Imprisoned in an apartment with a complete stranger, a humanitarian twenty-something has to a find a way to save the world and its population before her abductors? plan unfolds." If she is abducted by her estranged father, put that in the logline. Doing that means the logline implies an antagonistRead more
“Imprisoned in an apartment with a complete stranger, a humanitarian twenty-something has to a find a way to save the world and its population before her abductors? plan unfolds.”
If she is abducted by her estranged father, put that in the logline. Doing that means the logline implies an antagonist with clear motivation and goal.
An inciting incident should be a specific event. Since her age has little to do with the story, describe her personality instead.
Example:?When she is abducted by her estranged father so she can be spared, a shy humanitarian must find a way to prevent him from killing most of humanity. (28)
Replace ‘shy’ with a trait which actually describes her.
See lessImprisoned in an apartment with a complete stranger, an idealist twenty-something has to find a way to save herself and the world population from the secret organization holding her captive.
"When a secret organization launches the last step of its plan to eliminate 99% of the population, one of its main agent abducts his estranged humanitarian daughter so she can live in the new society." Since this isn't the main logline, one used to sell the script, it is fine because it shows you unRead more
“When a secret organization launches the last step of its plan to eliminate 99% of the population, one of its main agent abducts his estranged humanitarian daughter so she can live in the new society.”
Since this isn’t the main logline, one used to sell the script, it is fine because it shows you understand the goal and motivation of the antagonist. If you still want to revise it for practice, what is the last step? Be more specific, whether it’s poison like I used in my example or something, being more specific would probably shorten the logline.
Now, onto the main logline. It seems that you haven’t posted a revision. So, for:
“Imprisoned in an apartment with a complete stranger, an idealist twenty-something has to find a way to save herself and the world population from the secret organization holding her captive.”
You have an inciting incident(abduction), which is clear. Now, what do you see as the goal? Due to her being abducted by her estranged father, what does this motivate her to do? Is her goal to stop them after she finds out what they plan to do?
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