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Baby Doll
After reading the logline, there are a few things which come to mind. The most important is the hook. There isn't one. This ties into the second thing which is the character. What kind of vigilante? Does she have special skills or powers? This ties into the hook because how does this story stand outRead more
After reading the logline, there are a few things which come to mind.
The most important is the hook. There isn’t one. This ties into the second thing which is the character. What kind of vigilante? Does she have special skills or powers? This ties into the hook because how does this story stand out from Batman or Punisher? There are a lot of stories where the protagonist has to avoid arrest, what makes yours different? As of right now there is no hook, and the character isn’t described enough. And the character could be what the hook is.
The third thing is why is she avoiding arrest? Why now? Did she kill some specific? Was is someone important like a politician? A cop? A lot of people? Was she framed? Why is the community angry at her?
Who is the antagonist? Who is she trying to protect the community from? Why do they need protecting from this antagonist or antagonists? What does the antagonist want? Why do they want it? One of the suggestions I often make is to form a logline from the antagonist’s perspective.
What does the protagonist want? What does she specifically have to do in order to protect the community? Does have to kill whoever this antagonist is? Specifically describe her goal.
The entire logline is vague except for the fact that the community is angry at her, for some reason.
I hope this helps.
See lessWhen cops and a witness are murdered, a determined Homicide Detective must solve a space piracy case to find their killer and the controlling mastermind.
In response to the first one: It is unclear why he must solve a space piracy case. On it's on it implies no connection, and the logline offers no connective thread other than the same character is working both cases. The potential hook of your story is the fact of the sci fi element. So embrace it.Read more
In response to the first one:
It is unclear why he must solve a space piracy case. On it’s on it implies no connection, and the logline offers no connective thread other than the same character is working both cases.
See lessThe potential hook of your story is the fact of the sci fi element. So embrace it. What about your sci fi setting gives this otherwise normal detective story unique? Use the sci fi setting to your advantage, make it necessary to the story. For example, in Minority Report the very thing Anderton is investigating is ingrained in the sci fi element of the story.
A teenage Jewish boy in a Nazi death camp sets out to keep the promise of love with Hitler’s daughter and find the mystery of her who once tricked him as Jewish from the genocide.
"A teenage Jewish boy in a Nazi death camp sets out to keep the promise of love with Hitler?s daughter and find the mystery of her who once tricked him as Jewish from the genocide." After reading this logline, the first thing I thought was: "What?" A logline is supposed to clearly convey the conceptRead more
“A teenage Jewish boy in a Nazi death camp sets out to keep the promise of love with Hitler?s daughter and find the mystery of her who once tricked him as Jewish from the genocide.”
After reading this logline, the first thing I thought was: “What?”
A logline is supposed to clearly convey the concept of a story, and it is made for movie makers, people who would invest money into this project, it is made to make them want to read the script. But after reading this logline I simply have no clue what is going on. So, for starters, try checking out the Formula tab at the top of the page.
But from what I can discern from this logline attempt, is that a Jewish boy is in love with Hitler’s daughter. Okay. That sounds like it has potential. So, what is this boy’s goal? What does he wish to accomplish. What conflict arises from his goal? Who is the antagonist? What is the event that makes him set this goal?
Reading through it, it seems his goal is to uncover the mystery of something about Hitler’s daughter, but I don’t understand what the last part means.
So:
What is the single, specific event which upends the protagonist’s life? This event motivates him to continue through the rest of the story. (For example, In Star Wars, the inciting incident is when Luke returns home and finds his family has been killed by Stormtroopers.)
What goal does he set, what must he accomplish because of this event? (In Star Wars, Luke’s goal is to fight the Empire, it is to help the Rebellion.)
And how does he go about completing this goal? (In Star Wars Luke learns to become a Jedi and uses the Force to aid the Rebellion.)
I hope this helps.
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