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A detective struggles to solve his partner’s murder, stumbles upon other murders and indication it might have been an inside job carried out by dirty cops who are now hunting him.
When his partner is murdered, a detective must find evidence to prove it was an inside job before the dirty cops can kill him too. (25)One thing I do have to ask, though. What is the hook? What makes this different from all the other detective stories, makes it unique? Maybe not as much in film, butRead more
When his partner is murdered, a detective must find evidence to prove it was an inside job before the dirty cops can kill him too. (25)
One thing I do have to ask, though. What is the hook? What makes this different from all the other detective stories, makes it unique? Maybe not as much in film, but I know plenty of television shows which deal with dirty cops. What makes this stand out??
See lessAmidst a country-wide epidemic where people are gradually fading away from existence, a downbeat poet struggles to compose an ode to save his fading father, but must deal with his overbearing mother who is hell bent on sending him abroad.
"Amidst a country-wide epidemic where people are gradually fading away from existence, a downbeat poet struggles to compose an ode to save his fading father, but must deal with his overbearing mother who is hell bent on sending him abroad." An inciting incident should be a singular, specific event.Read more
“Amidst a country-wide epidemic where people are gradually fading away from existence, a downbeat poet struggles to compose an ode to save his fading father, but must deal with his overbearing mother who is hell bent on sending him abroad.”
An inciting incident should be a singular, specific event. So how does “Amidst a country-wide epidemic where people are gradually fading away from existence” translate into an event which motivates the main character to pursue his goal? A specific event, such as his father almost disappearing, or something. As an example, in Star Wars the inciting incident is when Luke returns home and finds his family murdered.
How does making an ode save his father? What does poetry have to do with this epidemic?
Now for the antagonist. Why does the mother want to send him abroad? If he can save his father, why wouldn’t she want him to do that? What motivates the mother? Something I do is to make a separate logline from the antagonist’s perspective, detailing their motivation and goal.
The problem I see with your story is that it seems to have three completely different stories, and the logline fails to satisfactorily tie them together into a cohesive narrative. A logline is used to sell the premise of a script to a producer, so they will want to read it. Having a confusing and unfocused logline won’t get far.
However, I see potential in your logline. There’s one element that could be a strong hook: The epidemic making people fade from existence. It raises a multitude of questions I would like to see answered onscreen, but the logline doesn’t focus on that. To be blunt, the logline simply gets boring. Why would I want to watch someone try to write a poem when there’s the mystery of why these people are disappearing? Why do I care that his mother wants him to go to boarding school?
I suggest focusing the logline on the most interesting part. The goal of preventing his father from fading away from existence is a compelling and interesting goal, but I think you need to find an exciting and compelling action he undergoes to achieve it.
I hope this helps.
See lessBaby Doll
"after a barely surviving a brutal rape a murderous vigilant must avoid increased police activity and the wraith of the community she is trying to protect to get justice." Does she want revenge or just justice? Does she want to kill the rapist or help put them in jail? And again, does she have speciRead more
“after a barely surviving a brutal rape a murderous vigilant must avoid increased police activity and the wraith of the community she is trying to protect to get justice.”
Does she want revenge or just justice? Does she want to kill the rapist or help put them in jail? And again, does she have special equipment or abilities? Who is the antagonist?
On another note, a comment on the inciting incident. Rape is a horrible thing. It’s a violation. Which is why so many writers like to use it as a shortcut to create empathy. Then they stop, and don’t explore the very serious topic of rape in a meaningful way. They just use it as a plot device to make the bad guy worse and in an attempt to create a traumatic story for a female character.
I bring this up because people have begun to notice this trope. Especially on shows like Game of Thrones. So much so that there articles discussing it, and producers don’t like it like in this article. I’m not saying you’re using it in this way but your logline just made think about that.
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