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When a find of ancient coins is stolen, a policeman must track a cold case from Nazi Germany to catch a Gestapo Officer’s murderous grandson.
"When a find of ancient coins is stolen, a policeman must track a cold case from Nazi Germany to catch a Gestapo Officer?s murderous grandson." The inciting incident doesn't seem to have anything to do with the goal. What do these coins have to do with the cold case, and the grandson the cop is tryiRead more
“When a find of ancient coins is stolen, a policeman must track a cold case from Nazi Germany to catch a Gestapo Officer?s murderous grandson.”
The inciting incident doesn’t seem to have anything to do with the goal. What do these coins have to do with the cold case, and the grandson the cop is trying to stop? That needs to be made clear. ?It also needs to be made clear how solving the cold case leads to catching the grandson.
See lessOn another note you have a hook, the tie-in to Nazi Germany, but you don’t have a personal connection for the cop. Why is he/she doing this? What happens if they don’t catch the killer, what personal stakes are there?
A charismatic young white supremacist goes to prison, where hard experience teaches him the error of his ways. When released, he resolves to leave his former life behind — but finds to his horror that it may be too late to save his kid brother from repeating his mistakes.
"release is the inciting incident. ?It isn?t." Then what is the inciting incident? For the logline you've posted, it seems to start quite a while before we meet the brother he's attempting to dissuade. Perhaps it would be better for the inciting incident is when the just released from prison brotherRead more
“release is the inciting incident. ?It isn?t.”
Then what is the inciting incident? For the logline you’ve posted, it seems to start quite a while before we meet the brother he’s attempting to dissuade. Perhaps it would be better for the inciting incident is when the just released from prison brother finds his brother doing something with neo-Nazis.
See lessWhen during a famine a loving Eskimo grandmother is abandoned by her migrating family, she reflects on her past life and faces death, which is inevitable. Or isn’t it?
"When during a famine a loving Eskimo grandmother is abandoned by her migrating family, she reflects on her past life and faces death, which is inevitable. Or isn?t it?" Movies and television are a visual medium. Meaning the viewers want to see something on screen. So how does "she reflects on her pRead more
“When during a famine a loving Eskimo grandmother is abandoned by her migrating family, she reflects on her past life and faces death, which is inevitable. Or isn?t it?”
Movies and television are a visual medium. Meaning the viewers want to see something on screen. So how does “she reflects on her past life and faces death” translate to a visual action on screen?
The logline also lacks an objective goal, something she wants and works toward during the story.
Review the Formula tab if you haven’t already for information on a standard logline.
See lessI hope this helps.