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After his feminist wife comes in possession of a gun that belongs to the mafia , a timid man has to stop and fight the mafia that they are now running from, and save his failing marriage in the process.
"After his feminist wife comes in possession of a gun that belongs to the mafia , a timid man has to stop and fight the mafia that they are now running from, and save his failing marriage in the process." Why would the mafia particularly care that she has a gun? The inciting incident should be descrRead more
“After his feminist wife comes in possession of a gun that belongs to the mafia , a timid man has to stop and fight the mafia that they are now running from, and save his failing marriage in the process.”
Why would the mafia particularly care that she has a gun? The inciting incident should be described as her killing someone in the mafia or stealing something of importance, which explains why they come after her.
See lessWhy does it matter that she’s a feminist?
You describe two goals in the logline, to stop the mafia and save his marriage. Pick only one for the logline and describe it.
Maybe describe a more specific goal. What exactly must he do in order to stop the mafia? Just killing some of their men probably won’t do it.
A desperately lonely woman is unknowingly trapped in purgatory until her grieving husband is finally able to let her go
"A desperately lonely woman is unknowingly trapped in purgatory until her grieving husband is finally able to let her go" You introduce two characters in the logline, and neither has a clear objective goal which they actively pursue. The woman only waits for someone to be able to let her go, which aRead more
“A desperately lonely woman is unknowingly trapped in purgatory until her grieving husband is finally able to let her go”
You introduce two characters in the logline, and neither has a clear objective goal which they actively pursue. The woman only waits for someone to be able to let her go, which as an action I don’t know how you represent that visually, because film is a visual medium. And the husband, who you don’t describe as actively trying to achieve a clear goal.
So, who is the protagonist, and what is a clear, visual goal they pursue? The goal should be in response to an event, the inciting incident which they react to.
See lessCheck out the Formula tab at the top of the page for some information on making a standard logline.
Rework: When an Australian find of Nazi-confiscated, priceless coins is stolen from police evidence, the Senior Detective must trace an escaped Gestapo Officer to his murderous Detective grandson
This version of the logline shares almost all of the same problems as the previous version. How do the coins relate to the Gestapo Officer and grandson? What motivation does the detective have, what personal stakes?
This version of the logline shares almost all of the same problems as the previous version. How do the coins relate to the Gestapo Officer and grandson? What motivation does the detective have, what personal stakes?
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