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  1. Posted: May 15, 2017In: SciFi

    A pair of gifted siblings fight to avenge their mother’s murder at the hands of their cyborg uncle after their disappearance into the Bermuda Triangle years before.

    Dkpough1 Uberwriter
    Added an answer on May 15, 2017 at 10:34 am

    "A pair of gifted siblings fight to avenge their mother?s murder at the hands of their cyborg uncle after their disappearance into the Bermuda Triangle years before."This logline is vague. What kind of gifts? Since it's SciFi I'm assuming superpowers, but that could also mean a few different things.Read more

    “A pair of gifted siblings fight to avenge their mother?s murder at the hands of their cyborg uncle after their disappearance into the Bermuda Triangle years before.”

    This logline is vague. What kind of gifts? Since it’s SciFi I’m assuming superpowers, but that could also mean a few different things. And from the way I understand it, the siblings disappeared in the Bermuda Triangle and then came back with superpowers and are now trying to avenge their mother? So what is the inciting incident? What specific event causes them to go after their uncle?

    Here’s an example using elements from your logline:?After discovering their cyborg uncle killed their mother, two superhuman siblings must use their gifts to avenge their mother. (19)

    In my version I have the inciting incident: Discovery of their uncle killing their mother,
    The action, what describes plot: Using their superhuman abilities,?
    And the goal that drives that action: Vengeance.?

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  2. Posted: May 15, 2017In: SciFi

    Noise Control Beta – In a world where to perceive a forbidden noise is the highest crime, a cop whose wife starts hearing it must find its origin in the desperate attempt to save her.

    Dkpough1 Uberwriter
    Added an answer on May 15, 2017 at 10:28 am

    Well, I'm hooked. Though I am a bit biased because I am a sci-fi and fantasy nerd, so maybe someone else will have a different input. ?But to me the logline leaves me with just enough questions(why is hearing this noise a crime?) but also adequately describes the plot. The only thing I can suggest iRead more

    Well, I’m hooked. Though I am a bit biased because I am a sci-fi and fantasy nerd, so maybe someone else will have a different input. ?But to me the logline leaves me with just enough questions(why is hearing this noise a crime?) but also adequately describes the plot. The only thing I can suggest is considering giving the cop a personality trait, or describing the flaw.

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  3. Posted: May 8, 2017In: Drama

    When diagnosed with terminal cancer, a shy gamer has a month to enlist help from her ex-eSports team in order to win an international competition.

    Dkpough1 Uberwriter
    Added an answer on May 8, 2017 at 4:20 am

    "When diagnosed with terminal cancer, a shy gamer has a month to enlist help from her ex-eSports team in order to win an international competition." How much of the movie is her enlisting help? The other thing that I think you can add is a real connection, they've tried to win competitions before buRead more

    “When diagnosed with terminal cancer, a shy gamer has a month to enlist help from her ex-eSports team in order to win an international competition.”

    How much of the movie is her enlisting help?
    The other thing that I think you can add is a real connection, they’ve tried to win competitions before but have never been able to do it, and now is her last chance before she dies. Try making a specific antagonist, another team that always beats them.

    Here’s my try:??After she’s diagnosed with terminal cancer, a reclusive gamer has a month for?her ?eSports team to beat the only team they’ve lost to at an international competition. (28)


    Probably could be worded a bit better but I hope this helps.

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