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Desperation leads a 14-year-old teenage girl to engage in self-destructive activity out of desire to detach her consciousness from her reality but when death appears her only solace, her creator shows up to declares her value and saves her.
"Desperation leads a 14-year-old teenage girl to engage in self-destructive activity out of desire to detach her consciousness from her reality but when death appears her only solace, her creator shows up to declares her value and saves her." So what's the plot? Either being saved is the inciting inRead more
“Desperation leads a 14-year-old teenage girl to engage in self-destructive activity out of desire to detach her consciousness from her reality but when death appears her only solace, her creator shows up to declares her value and saves her.”
So what’s the plot? Either being saved is the inciting incident and you’ve only described background, or this is the whole movie and it doesn’t describe a plot.
See lessWhat is the protagonist trying to accomplish, and why?
A young na?ve soldier in love gets her leave denied but decides to go AWOL to fulfill her dying boyfriend’s wish only to find out that he has a more sinister plan behind those weary eyes.
"A young na?ve soldier in love gets her leave denied but decides to go AWOL to fulfill her dying boyfriend?s wish only to find out that he has a more sinister plan behind those weary eyes." You have a clear inciting incident, but it doesn't have a causal relationship with the goal stated. The goal iRead more
“A young na?ve soldier in love gets her leave denied but decides to go AWOL to fulfill her dying boyfriend?s wish only to find out that he has a more sinister plan behind those weary eyes.”
You have a clear inciting incident, but it doesn’t have a causal relationship with the goal stated. The goal is also vague, as is the last part. What plan? Isn’t her real goal to stop this sinister plan?
See lessI suggest reforming the logline around the inciting incident being the soldier discovering the plan and then her goal being to stop it. It doesn’t help to be vague in a logline. You’re pitching it to describe the story you want someone to put money into. Not a vague idea.
To me you don’t have a strong enough hook presented. Why would someone want to read this script? Produce the story? Why would someone want to spend 2 hours watching it? The only thing that sort of hooks me is at the end, buried underneath backstory and vague descriptions.
The hunter becomes the hunted when a woman lures her abusive husband into a death trap. (Short Script, 7pages)
"I think and believe that short stories have a whole different set of ?rule? for the logline." A logline's sole purpose is to get someone with money to read your script. There are no set rules, which is why we often get in debates: we have different opinions on things such as the necessity of includRead more
“I think and believe that short stories have a whole different set of ?rule? for the logline.”
A logline’s sole purpose is to get someone with money to read your script. There are no set rules, which is why we often get in debates: we have different opinions on things such as the necessity of including an inciting incident, or other things.
But one thing we do agree on is that in most cases should include is the basic story. A description of the story you’re writing, one that can give whoever is reading it a clear idea of the character, and the plot.
“my short script didn?t have stakes.”
Story is conflict. Conflict creates stakes. Either you don’t recognize them in your story or you have no conflict. Stakes can be as low and as simple as someone losing their favorite blanket. Now, the character arc is true. It’s likely that a short story won’t have an elaborate arc, but any story should still characterize the character. The audience should get a feel of who this person is.
I hope this helps.
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