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?A cop and his K-9 companion unintentionally hijack a billion dollar drug shipment from a ruthless cartel that will stop at nothing to get it back.
"?A rogue cop must stop an audacious drug lord from establishing Detroit as the narcotics capitol of the West.?" I think this needs an inciting incident. I am in agreement with dpg(from a past discussion) that action loglines need an inciting incident, to establish why this character would shake upRead more
“?A rogue cop must stop an audacious drug lord from establishing Detroit as the narcotics capitol of the West.?”
I think this needs an inciting incident. I am in agreement with dpg(from a past discussion) that action loglines need an inciting incident, to establish why this character would shake up their status quo in order to put themselves in danger.
So what is it that makes this cop go rogue? To not only risk his freedom and job, but to risk his life to fight against this this drug lord outside of the law?
See lessAfter being framed for assault, an indigenous basketballer from the Australian outback, must prove himself innocent before his scholarship to play for a college in the USA expires.
"After being set up for a crime which forces him on the run, a young mind blowing basketball player must prove his innocence, before an opportunity to travel to the USA and play for a scholarship expires." I think you can cut the "forces him on the run" part. After being framed for a crime, a youngRead more
“After being set up for a crime which forces him on the run, a young mind blowing basketball player must prove his innocence, before an opportunity to travel to the USA and play for a scholarship expires.”
I think you can cut the “forces him on the run” part.
After being framed for a crime, a young basketball player must prove his innocence before a scholarship to a USA college expires. ?(22)
See lessThe hunter becomes the hunted when a woman lures her abusive husband into a death trap. (Short Script, 7pages)
"The hunter becomes the hunted when a woman lures her abusive husband into a death trap." I would say you have the hook, the basic concept of teh story front and center, but at the same time it seems too heavy-handed, telling the reader the basic concept in general terms rather than describing(showiRead more
“The hunter becomes the hunted when a woman lures her abusive husband into a death trap.”
I would say you have the hook, the basic concept of teh story front and center, but at the same time it seems too heavy-handed, telling the reader the basic concept in general terms rather than describing(showing, not telling) the story at hand. Would being more specific about how she lures the husband be a spoiler?
See lessThe previous version was better in that it specifically detailed the events of the story.