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A rapier wielding Latina vigilante disrupts the plans of a drug and human trafficking gang that uses fake ICE vehicles and gear to kidnap undocumented Latinas.
"The audience will want to know how she became this way. ?" I'm not saying anything different. I'm only saying that a lot of the audience wouldn't want a 2 hour movie about, unless, like I said it had something new and different to offer. "And I think there is a mother lode of ?raw dramatic materialRead more
“The audience will want to know how she became this way. ?”
I’m not saying anything different. I’m only saying that a lot of the audience wouldn’t want a 2 hour movie about, unless, like I said it had something new and different to offer.
“And I think there is a mother lode of ?raw dramatic material in the real lives and struggles of the undocumented immigrant population in the US from which to mine a narrative that is anything but ?a ?cookie-cutter? origin story.”
While it is an interesting angle, what’s something different it could offer? Does a family member die forcing her to take up the rapier to fight crime? Does a family member get kidnapped and she has to rescue them using her “particular set of skills?” The movie “Taken”, when it was released, had no origin story for Bryan Mills, he was a fully formed character at the beginning. I can’t comment on his character arc because it’s been a long time since I’ve seen it, but a character arc doesn’t rely on an origin story. Look at Star Wars, Darth Vader was loved as a strong villain and then ‘ruined’ by seeing his origin.
What hooked you, what you want to see, is a woman with a weapon taking on bad guys. That’s what hooked you, not watching an hour or more of her learning to use a weapon and then spending thirty minutes taking on the bad guys.
Of course, if the origin story is something unique and exciting, something other than “family member gets kidnapped/killed, forcing the protagonist to?to develop their skills in order to fight back”, then the more interesting story is the one presented here.
See lessA rapier wielding Latina vigilante disrupts the plans of a drug and human trafficking gang that uses fake ICE vehicles and gear to kidnap undocumented Latinas.
"A rapier wielding Latina vigilante disrupts the plans of a drug and human trafficking gang that uses fake ICE vehicles and gear to kidnap undocumented Latinas." I, for one, do not think you should make this into an origin story. One of the biggest complaints I see about superhero/vigilante storiesRead more
“A rapier wielding Latina vigilante disrupts the plans of a drug and human trafficking gang that uses fake ICE vehicles and gear to kidnap undocumented Latinas.”
I, for one, do not think you should make this into an origin story. One of the biggest complaints I see about superhero/vigilante stories is that all of them are cookie-cutter origin stories. Doctor Strange, for example, is said to be “Iron Man with magic”. So unless it is something different and unique I would find a different angle.
While I’m against an origin story, a personal connection would help. Or at least something dramatic, something like she sees a girl get kidnapped in front of her. Also, while I don’t think a traditional origin story is the way to go, I think a small-scale, personal story that is an introduction into this world, one that can built upon and turned into a franchise is a good idea. By that I mean not too many characters, not too big of stakes.
My last thought on the story is that the weak link from what I can see is the antagonist. Is there a specific character who is the face of the organization? Whether it’s the top dog or one of his/her lieutenants? An onscreen presence who is able to challenge the protagonist?(Another criticism common of superhero/vigilante stories. Especially Marvel Cinematic Universe movies.) Something I recommend is making a separate logline from the perspective of the antagonist.
Now, onto the logline. It is vague. What does “disrupts” mean? What is it that we watch her doing onscreen? Go on a murder spree? Or does she destroy the drugs? Does she break into the places the women are held to free them? Something specific should be used here.
See lessAlso, in order to create a personal stake in the story, an inciting incident could help. (When her sister is kidnapped by a trafficking gang…) But I think the hook and characters of your story are strong enough that you don’t necessarily require one.
After his daughter is diagnosed with a rare cancer, a timid college professor and his jailbird uncle start a prostitution service in order to pay for her experimental treatments.
"After his daughter is diagnosed with a rare cancer, a timid college professor and his jailbird uncle start a prostitution service in order to pay for her experimental treatments." An interesting idea. Just some notes: In the last version of this, you called the uncle "corrupt" which I think betterRead more
“After his daughter is diagnosed with a rare cancer, a timid college professor and his jailbird uncle start a prostitution service in order to pay for her experimental treatments.”
An interesting idea. Just some notes:
In the last version of this, you called the uncle “corrupt” which I think better conveys a sense of dangers for the college professor. I just don’t think ‘jailbird’ quite does it.
I’m just curious about the method, even though starting a prostitution service seems like a interesting angle, it seems a bit illogical. Sure, prostitution is a big business, but I sincerely doubt anyone just starts a service and then within a week or even a month would be rolling in the cash. Especially with established competition. So, while I think it is an interesting angle, it doesn’t seem plausible.(Though I know nothing about cash flow of new prostitution services so I could of course be wrong) The uncle is a criminal, what does he do? Is he a hitman, a thief? Drug dealer?
I think just describing him as ‘timid’ works, college professor doesn’t necessarily add to the logline.
You have the structure down, but I suggest making it so that the father has to work up the nerve to enlist the uncle, to get himself dirty doing the criminal’s job.
Something like:?After his daughter is diagnosed with a rare cancer, a timid college professor must enlist his criminal uncle to steal money in order to pay for her experimental treatments.?
Another angle you could try is to have white collar criminal, someone who steals money from businesses or whatever all while wearing a suit. Someone who needs savvy, charm. Someone who is slimy, slick.
See lessI hope this helps.