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Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love. Girl doesn’t.
"Not enough there to give any hook." As mentioned before on this thread, the hook is simple. It's just a deviation from the normal "Boy meets girl. They both fall in love." , because the girl doesn't. It's enough of a hook to get Hollywood interested.
“Not enough there to give any hook.”
See lessAs mentioned before on this thread, the hook is simple. It’s just a deviation from the normal “Boy meets girl. They both fall in love.” , because the girl doesn’t. It’s enough of a hook to get Hollywood interested.
After he magically starts visualizing the desires of any female he touches, a girl-shy teen gets the chance to win his dream girl away from a Machiavellian bully.
"Do you agree, or do you think a logline without an explicitly stated inciting incident is a no no." Personally I don't think a logline absolutely needs an inciting incident. There's actually a thread DPG started where we discussed it in detail. To me, the most important parts are: 1) Hook 2)CharactRead more
“Do you agree, or do you think a logline without an explicitly stated inciting incident is a no no.”
Personally I don’t think a logline absolutely needs an inciting incident. There’s actually a thread DPG started where we discussed it in detail.
To me, the most important parts are: 1) Hook 2)Characters 3)Plot/goal 4)Inciting incident.
As long as you have the hook, dangling out there in the logline, and it is concisely written and conveys some sense of the plot, it is debatable whether an inciting incident is necessary.
As for??After he starts hearing what women think a chauvinist ad exec gets the chance to steal back his job from a female rival??it’s a bit different because it does imply the inciting incident. But it puts the hook front and center, and it actually offers a clear reason, due to his chauvinistic nature: How could a mere woman deserve the job more than him?
I hope this helps.
See lessAfter he magically starts visualizing the desires of any female he touches, a girl-shy teen gets the chance to win his dream girl away from a Machiavellian bully.
" i think you?re saying I need to raise the stakes" Not necessarily. But while experiencing a story even low stakes should feel like their huge. A great example is the Marvel Netflix series. While the Avengers are up there in their tower saving the world, the Defenders are fighting for a single cityRead more
” i think you?re saying I need to raise the stakes”
Not necessarily. But while experiencing a story even low stakes should feel like their huge. A great example is the Marvel Netflix series. While the Avengers are up there in their tower saving the world, the Defenders are fighting for a single city, a single building, one person. But while watching the stakes feel as personal and monumental in both cases.
“do you mean the inciting incident = the acquisition of the power”
I meant the power, the one in this version of the logline. It doesn’t work because it doesn’t have a complete, clear connection to the goal your protagonist sets. Sure, it’s logical, but if you were to look at it backward, ask “Why does he want to steal the girl?” Then “because he gets magic powers” doesn’t have the causal relationship an inciting incident should.
Looking at the other examples, the same thing happens.
“What Women Want”
Goal: ?To steal his job back.
Why?
Because he can hear what women think.
Again, it makes sense, but it doesn’t create a clear motivation. Why he?has to steal his job back. Not how he?can, but must.
Why?must he? Because she stole it from him, he deserved it!
DPG’s version works because it combines the two, the inciting incident is him getting his powers, because of an event that motivates him. I also think the gag idea is excellent. I
I hope this helps.
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