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On the verge of a nervous breakdown, uptight librarian Anthe uses alcohol to unlock her repressed urges. When they push her towards violent outbreaks and murder, she must confront her animalistic side before she harms herself or her loved ones.
"On the verge of a nervous breakdown, uptight librarian Anthe uses alcohol to unlock her repressed urges. When they push her towards violent outbreaks and murder, she must confront her animalistic side before she harms herself or her loved ones." First of all, it is general practice to not include nRead more
“On the verge of a nervous breakdown, uptight librarian Anthe uses alcohol to unlock her repressed urges. When they push her towards violent outbreaks and murder, she must confront her animalistic side before she harms herself or her loved ones.”
First of all, it is general practice to not include names unless they are historical figures or already established characters. (on another note where does the name Anthe come from? I’ve never heard/seen anything like it.) Also, if you haven’t already check out the Training tab at the top of the page for a standard logline formula.
The first sentence is just backstory, so you need to find a way to include it in the rest. “When they push her toward violent outbreaks and murder” and is vague, and since it is the inciting incident, it needs to be specific outbreak. Another vague thing is “repressed urges”. What are these urges? Does she have compulsive urges to kill her family? And how does alcohol “unlock” repressed urges? How does she confront her animalistic side? What does that even mean? Animalistic means that she is driven by her appetite, so she wants to eat people because she sees them as food?
General note is that your post is too vague. She needs an objective goal, meaning you need to state what she must do in order to achieve something specific.
For an example I’m going to make up a goal that is different than your story because I can’t think of a good way to reword it.
Example: (1)When an uptight librarian acts upon her fantasy to kill and eat an annoying regular, (2)she must hide the body and erase all evidence to (3)prevent a (4)police detective from finding out she murdered him. (35)
Not a great example, but it has each of the elements. Using the numbers I included 1 is the inciting inciting incident. 2 is the action she must take to achieve 3, her goal. And 4 is an antagonist. Since it is a visual medium, she needs a visual goal. Something the viewers can watch happening at the end. For example when Superman shuts down the earthquake device to prevent the city from being destroyed.
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen an emotionally detached woman returns home after a decade of uncontrollable jumps into parallel universes, she must reconnect with her estranged father to create a cure before vanishing once again.
"When an emotionally detached woman returns home after a decade of uncontrollable jumps into parallel universes whenever she sleeps, she must reconnect with her past to prevent herself vanishing once again." Like dpg, I am intrigued by this concept. I personally have never seen anything quite like tRead more
“When an emotionally detached woman returns home after a decade of uncontrollable jumps into parallel universes whenever she sleeps, she must reconnect with her past to prevent herself vanishing once again.”
Like dpg, I am intrigued by this concept. I personally have never seen anything quite like this. t seems you may be trying to go for an angle of she has to go back to the time of the event which may have caused her to become emotionally detached. That I like. But what exactly do you mean by reconnect?
“the more features in the ?reel? world that depart from the real world, the more exposition”
While trying to introduce and explain every one of those elements I listed would just be too much exposition, there’s a fairly simple shortcut. One is just ?’show, not tell’ and show a whole bunch of cool stuff with as little explanation as possible. This worked quite well for the Nightside (book) series by Simon R. Green. I can’t think of any film/ series quite like that but the Nightside books basically say “Anything goes in the NIghtside” and then introduces different sci-fi/fantasy aspects quite often.
However, yes, a logline probably can’t and shouldn’t try to explain the magic.
Basically, if the mindset you have going into a fantastical story is “how am I going to suspend disbelief” then I think it’s the wrong mindset in the first place. This, I imagine, is why some people can only read/watch historical, realistic, and non-fiction type stories.
That’s not to say that every concept simply works. Sometimes they are badly written or whatever it is that jerks you out of the fantasy. Things such as inconsistent magic systems and illogical uses of the very ‘magic’ that has been established to do something.
See lessWhen an emotionally detached woman returns home after a decade of uncontrollable jumps into parallel universes, she must reconnect with her estranged father to create a cure before vanishing once again.
"When a rebellious young woman wakes up in a parallel universe, she is recruited to help stop a misguided man from killing his alternate selves in a quest to gain enough power to reset the universe." By gain enough power you're going by the idea that if one were to kill all of their alternate selvesRead more
“When a rebellious young woman wakes up in a parallel universe, she is recruited to help stop a misguided man from killing his alternate selves in a quest to gain enough power to reset the universe.”
By gain enough power you’re going by the idea that if one were to kill all of their alternate selves then they would become “The One” and have increased powers? I can’t think of any specific story at the moment other than I believe Jet Li’s “The One”, but I’m sure it’s a premise that’s been done multiple times. (I think also maybe the Spider-verse story line?)
I’m guessing your differing yours by this “Reset the universe” concept, but I don’t know what you mean by that. As in, reset time itself, restart everything?
The only suggestion I can think of at the moment is adding a reason for the man wanting to reset the universe. What has he been misguided into believing killing all of his alternate selves will do?
“I can suspend disbelief (temporarily) for a couple of the magic elements ? but not all of them at once. ?It seems to me the premise and logline is overloaded with ?magic?. ”
By my understanding it’s quite simple, and all stems from one idea: Parallel universes means that there’s a version of a person in each universe, and killing one version releases the energy of one into the rest, so if one version kills them all they become all powerful.
See lessAnd besides, I don’t ever really see how a story has “too much magic” if it’s a fantasy/sci fi story. It may raise questions in shared universes such as: Why does Batman even need to fight anyone? Why doesn’t Superman just fly in a throw the Joker in jail? And other similar questions, but basically if it’s fantasy/sci-fi I don’t see a reason why anyone should feel they need to limit themselves to one type of idea, unless they want to.
But that’s my opinion anyway, an avid fantasy/sci-fi reader/watcher. I think comic books are an excellent example, all of DC’s characters live in the same fictional universe, meaning they have all types of powers and ideas. Aliens, parallel universes, sci-fi powers, magic, non-powered people, time-travel, angels and demons, gods. Sometimes all in one story.