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Logline: After killing each other in a muddy ravine on Guadalcanal, a Japanese soldier and an American Marine awaken as unwillingly tethered ghosts and spend decades protecting the grandson born from their families’ impossible union—bickering across wars, cultures, and generations as they search for redemption and peace. Genre: Primary: Historical Fantasy Drama Secondary: War Drama / Supernatural Family Saga
As Karel said, particularly about the lack of concrete stakes. Intriguing premise, but the logline juggles too many balls and at 43 words is too long. Try pruning it down to the essential elements.
As Karel said, particularly about the lack of concrete stakes. Intriguing premise, but the logline juggles too many balls and at 43 words is too long. Try pruning it down to the essential elements.
See lessA honeymoon meant to celebrate love turns into a nightmare when two newly married couples get lost in the remote wilds of Jamaica—only to discover that the deeper they go, the more they are hunted by a deadly force lurking within the dangerous terrain.
A pair of newlyweds get lost in the wilds of Jamaica and are preyed upon by a mysterious force. (18 words). That's the plot distilled to its essential ingredients.
A pair of newlyweds get lost in the wilds of Jamaica and are preyed upon by a mysterious force. (18 words).
That’s the plot distilled to its essential ingredients.
See less(REVISED.) When the reluctant Sheriff of Sweetwater on a colony of Mars stumbles on a plan to destroy the town to make room for an illegal worm farm, he and his friends have to defend the town he loves from a megalomaniac Soybean Magnate.
Clarification on "the reluctant Sheriff..." Reluctant to be a sheriff or reluctant to take on the soybean "maggot"? A picky point, I grant you, but every word in a logline must contribute to a clear, unambiguous snapshot of the plot. Also, the logline is 43 words in length. An operative rule for wriRead more
Clarification on “the reluctant Sheriff…” Reluctant to be a sheriff or reluctant to take on the soybean “maggot”? A picky point, I grant you, but every word in a logline must contribute to a clear, unambiguous snapshot of the plot.
Also, the logline is 43 words in length. An operative rule for writing a logline is “less is more, more is less”. I have compiled a database of over 1100 winning loglines; that is, loglines for scripts that actually got made into movies. Not one of the winning loglines exceeds 40 words in length. (The statistical average word length is 25 words.)
FWIW
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