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(REVISED.) When the reluctant Sheriff of Sweetwater on a colony of Mars stumbles on a plan to destroy the town to make room for an illegal worm farm, he and his friends have to defend the town he loves from a megalomaniac Soybean Magnate.
Clarification on "the reluctant Sheriff..." Reluctant to be a sheriff or reluctant to take on the soybean "maggot"? A picky point, I grant you, but every word in a logline must contribute to a clear, unambiguous snapshot of the plot. Also, the logline is 43 words in length. An operative rule for wriRead more
Clarification on “the reluctant Sheriff…” Reluctant to be a sheriff or reluctant to take on the soybean “maggot”? A picky point, I grant you, but every word in a logline must contribute to a clear, unambiguous snapshot of the plot.
Also, the logline is 43 words in length. An operative rule for writing a logline is “less is more, more is less”. I have compiled a database of over 1100 winning loglines; that is, loglines for scripts that actually got made into movies. Not one of the winning loglines exceeds 40 words in length. (The statistical average word length is 25 words.)
FWIW
See less[EDIT] A sheltered American teen, kidnapped by a Bangkok crime lord, is groomed first as his protégé, then as his bride — but when she discovers he was her late mother’s secret lover, she uses his methods to destroy him and seize his empire.
Clarification: my response applies to the "... she turns his brutal methods against him to seize his empire."
Clarification: my response applies to the “… she turns his brutal methods against him to seize his empire.”
See less[EDIT] A sheltered American teen, kidnapped by a Bangkok crime lord, is groomed first as his protégé, then as his bride — but when she discovers he was her late mother’s secret lover, she uses his methods to destroy him and seize his empire.
Better of the two, IMHO. And at 23 words in length, a quick and easy read.
Better of the two, IMHO. And at 23 words in length, a quick and easy read.
See less