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[EDIT] A sheltered American teen, kidnapped by a Bangkok crime lord, is groomed first as his protégé, then as his bride — but when she discovers he was her late mother’s secret lover, she uses his methods to destroy him and seize his empire.
Another thought: How about "timid American teen" rather than a "sheltered American teen"? Shelter is her initial situation. Whereas timid is her initial character trait. Unlike "sheltered", it signals what her character arc will be as the plot plays out. That is, she will go from being a timid teenRead more
Another thought:
How about “timid American teen” rather than a “sheltered American teen”?
Shelter is her initial situation. Whereas timid is her initial character trait. Unlike “sheltered”, it signals what her character arc will be as the plot plays out. That is, she will go from being a timid teen girl to a formidable “tiger” woman.
FWIW
See less(REVISED.) When the reluctant Sheriff of Sweetwater on a colony of Mars stumbles on a plan to destroy the town to make room for an illegal worm farm, he and his friends have to defend the town he loves from a megalomaniac Soybean Magnate.
FWIW: I don't see anything in the logline that makes it *necessary* for the story to be set on Mars. OK, it's different--but is it absolutely necessary? Why is it the case that the plot wouldn't work on any other planet/setting? Setting the story on Mars signals to would-be producers that they willRead more
FWIW: I don’t see anything in the logline that makes it *necessary* for the story to be set on Mars. OK, it’s different–but is it absolutely necessary? Why is it the case that the plot wouldn’t work on any other planet/setting?
Setting the story on Mars signals to would-be producers that they will have to budget in extra $,$$$,$$$ for special effects and props. The plot should justify that additional expense.
Just saying.
See less[EDIT] A sheltered American teen, kidnapped by a Bangkok crime lord, is groomed first as his protégé, then as his bride — but when she discovers he was her late mother’s secret lover, she uses his methods to destroy him and seize his empire.
>>>discovers a shocking family secret Alas, vague. A "shocking discovery" is a standard plot device. If a logline includes a discovery, it should be revealed in the logline because the specific nature of the discovery is, or ought to be, a unique selling point, A primary purpose of the loglRead more
>>>discovers a shocking family secret
Alas, vague. A “shocking discovery” is a standard plot device. If a logline includes a discovery, it should be revealed in the logline because the specific nature of the discovery is, or ought to be, a unique selling point,
A primary purpose of the logline is to pitch the unique selling point, the factor that makes this script stand out in the huge herd of scripts of the same genre and similar plot.
To mix and mangle metaphors, a logline should sell the sizzle, not the steak. What’s the sizzle in your story?
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