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When passengers on a plane get murdered one by one, the crew must find the killer among them before there is only one left. [Title: Passengers, this isn’t your Captain speaking].
I'm dubious about the title.? Ever since 911, airline cockpits have been locked down.And I'm guessing it's an international flight over, say, the Pacific.? So the airline can't immediately touch down after the 1st murder-- which would be the SOP. So I suggest the logline indicate that.Given that theRead more
I’m dubious about the title.? Ever since 911, airline cockpits have been locked down.
And I’m guessing it’s an international flight over, say, the Pacific.? So the airline can’t immediately touch down after the 1st murder– which would be the SOP. So I suggest the logline indicate that.
Given that there’s so little privacy on the plane, it’s a stretch to believe that one person after another can be killed– and there are no witnesses.? That the crew are too stupid to take elementary precautions to prevent it from happening again… and again.? But I assume you’ve got that all figured out, a credible modus operandi.
?
See lessIn a dystopian right wing world. A terrorist group is planting boxes holding either cash or explosives, opening it makes you rich or dead. A poor man and his friend find one and try to figure out what to do.
CraigDGriffiths:Three points:1] Your latest revision may be a useful as a tool for developing the plot.? But you're past the development phase.? You said the script is complete.? So what you need now is a marketing logline to pitch the script, one that emphasizes the story hook, one that grabs readeRead more
CraigDGriffiths:
Three points:
1] Your latest revision may be a useful as a tool for developing the plot.? But you’re past the development phase.? You said the script is complete.? So what you need now is a marketing logline to pitch the script, one that emphasizes the story hook, one that grabs reader’s eyeballs, makes them want to read the script.
What you want now is a killer logline to pitch your killer script .? And let me make it clear that I think you have a killer premise.? (Otherwise I wouldn’t bother posting repeatedly on this logline.)
But, IMHO, your latest logline is not a killer, not an eye ball grabber.? As I said earlier, ending on the phrase “rich or dead” could be deployed as an effective button beat.? Or at least as a? concise statement of the dramatic dilemma. But it’s nowhere in sight.
2] I’m not enslaved to the idea that a logline must have one–and only one-sentence.? No exceptions. However, when a logline has more than one sentence, I suggest the logline is more effective if the cadence imitates the way a good joke is delivered.?? That is, the first sentence sets up the premise.? The last sentence delivers a punchline,? ends on a button beat.
“They must open it to survive, but can’t bring themselves to do it”? is not a punch line, not a button beat.
3] However, I am “enslaved” to the notion that logline length matters– a lot.? Less is more effective, more is less effective. Your current version is 42 words long.??? I am aware of your opinion as to what constitutes an acceptable logline length.? So I presume you don’t consider 42 words to be an issue? Well, you are entitled to your opinion.? But I suggest the facts, the statistical data, say otherwise.? And in any case, it can easily be trimmed to under 40 words.
My 2.5 cents worth.
See lessIn a dystopian right wing world. A terrorist group is planting boxes holding either cash or explosives, opening it makes you rich or dead. A poor man and his friend find one and try to figure out what to do.
In a post-apocalyptic future, two men desperately needing money discover a box that contains either gold bullion or a terrorist bomb. They must figure out whether opening it will make them rich or dead.(34 words)Rationale:* Re: "post-apocalyptic". Or dystopian. Whatever.? My primary point is:? For tRead more
In a post-apocalyptic future, two men desperately needing money discover a box that contains either gold bullion or a terrorist bomb. They must figure out whether opening it will make them rich or dead.
(34 words)
Rationale:
* Re: “post-apocalyptic”. Or dystopian. Whatever.? My primary point is:? For the purpose of the logline –as distinct from the script –the politics? (right wing, left wing, buffalo wing) is extraneous. More important is to convey the impression of a story world of anarchy and disorder.
*Re: “desperately need money”.? Again for the purpose of the logline –as distinct from the script– why they need the money isn’t important. What is important is that their need is desperate.? Consequently, they are highly motivated to incur the risk.
*Re: “terrorist bomb” rather than the yada-yada about it being deliberately planted by terrorists.? For the purpose of the logline [brevity, less is more]? — as distinct from the script –I suggest the yada-yada may be optional. The motivations of the terrorists in planting? the boxes can be expounded in the script.? The motivations of the two characters is more important information than the motivation of terrorists.? (And in any case, the word “terrorists” connotes people who operate with malice aforethought.? So there’s that.)
*Re: “gold bullion” If it’s a time of chaos and disorder, isn’t paper money likely to be worthless? Gold, however, not only holds its value in times of uncertainty and disorder, it increases in value. So…
BTW: “Rich or dead” is a good, strong button beat to the logline.
fwiw
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