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When dark and disturbing children’s drawings come alive. Its creator, a little girl distressed and insecure, must face and erase these drawings from her life before they control her forever.
I think there is? a nucleus of an interesting idea in the logline.But I agree with mrliteral that whatever that nucleus is needs to be brought into sharper focus.? Check out the screenwriting forluma.
I think there is? a nucleus of an interesting idea in the logline.
But I agree with mrliteral that whatever that nucleus is needs to be brought into sharper focus.? Check out the screenwriting forluma.
See lessPresent day: After his mother is accidentally killed during a father-son quarrel, a young martial artist must find his long-lost uncle – to explain his mother’s dying words, while he is relentlessly pursued by his father, a martial arts master who has vowed to kill him.
Redroad:Your latest version leaves me less puzzled.? It has a logical reason why he would go in search of his uncle -- he needs his protection.? That makes perfect and immediate sense.? Everything in a logline -- logic,motivation,? causality -- must make immediate sense.? A logline doesn't allow wriRead more
Redroad:
Your latest version leaves me less puzzled.? It has a logical reason why he would go in search of his uncle — he needs his protection.? That makes perfect and immediate sense.? Everything in a logline — logic,motivation,? causality — must make immediate sense.? A logline doesn’t allow writers the? luxury of space to explain. Only time? (10-12 seconds) to tell.
Let me clarify my pov:? for the purposes of the script as distinct from the logline, you can work in all that material about his also needing to deliver a message.
But a logline? is different.? A writer has to work within the tyranny of a template.? He must distill 100+ pages of script down to one sentence of (ideally) 30 words or less that contains a short list of elements:? inciting incident, character, goal, obstacle.
Oh, the outrageous tyranny of the template, the inhumanity of being constrained to only 30 words!? But that’s the nature of the biz beast.
Now then:
On the basis of? my own systematic? and extensive study of loglines , I have concluded that “sweet? spot” for logline word length is 20-30 words. 30-35 words is tolerable;? 35-40 is worrisome.? Anything over 40 words is unacceptable.
I don’t expect you to accept that just because I say it;? I can back it up it with a graph of a logline database I have built.? But the ability to upload graphs at this site has been disabled.? However, check out this link to a graph I was able to post in in a discussion thread in 2016. (Since then, the sample size has grown to 940; the distribution remains relatively stable.)
Your latest version is 46 words long.? So I suggest it needs to be trimmed:? Here is my revision that comes in? at 36 words.
After his mother accidentally dies in a family fight, a grieving young martial artist must flee home and find protection from his long-lost uncle while fending off his father’s warriors who have orders to kill him.
It needs polishing, but there it is.? My takeaway is that when it comes to drafting loglines, less is more.
fwiw
See lessPresent day: After his mother is accidentally killed during a father-son quarrel, a young martial artist must find his long-lost uncle – to explain his mother’s dying words, while he is relentlessly pursued by his father, a martial arts master who has vowed to kill him.
Re: I personally believe that intrigue is important in a logline.The primary mission of a logline is to pitch the script, to induce movie makers to read the script.? It has to be kind of intrigue that serves as an irresistible story hook.? Right now, I'm more puzzled than intrigued. That's my subjecRead more
Re: I personally believe that intrigue is important in a logline.
The primary mission of a logline is to pitch the script, to induce movie makers to read the script.? It has to be kind of intrigue that serves as an irresistible story hook.? Right now, I’m more puzzled than intrigued. That’s my subjective response.? Other readers may respond differently.
RE: an emotional journey,
…to fulfill an objective goal.? (The stakes of which are deficient as I previously noted.)
Beg to differ with your analysis of the “The Fugitive” (a favorite film, btw).
RE: as he comes to terms with the brutal murder of his wife.
What does “come to terms mean”?? What’s the visual for “come to terms”?
RE:? from circumstantial guilt to proven innocent
A rather passive representation of the plot action.? Richard Kimble has a specific objective goal: to prove he is innocent. And the only way he can do that is to ferret out the real perp.? He’s the only one interested in proving his innocence, finding the perp.?? The U.S. Marshal isn’t.? He says so more than once:? “I don’t care.”
As soon as Kimble escapes (at the end of Act 1), he sets out to do exactly that.? He proactively returns to Chicago and proactively pursues clues to find his wife’s killer. He is the main character — and he’s the protagonist.? He’s in the driver’s seat of the plot.? The U.S. marshal is in the driver’s seat of the pursuing vehicle.
And the stakes for Kimble are clear:? He must prove his innocence or else he will be executed.
And Kimble is a steadfast protagonist:? he has no strong character arc. The character arc belongs to the U.S. Marshal; he is the character who eventually changes his objective and opinion of Kimble because of what he discovers. The U.S. Marshal starts out as the antagonist.? A relentless proactive antagonist.? His objective goal is to apprehend Kimble — not prove Kimble’s? innocence.? He pivots only in the last act when he comes upon evidence that indicates Kimble may, indeed, be innocent.
Whatever.? It’s your story.? I’ve said my 2.5 cents worth.
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