I agree with yqwertz that in the broader scheme of life,? the fate of a teenage crush is not a big deal.? But for a teenager living through that moment, it feels like a big deal. So the question I have is: will the viewing audience feel the same way as the character does?

I dunno.? I still am not clear as to what the story is about, what the controlling idea is that organizes and drives the plot.? And as noted “keep her life on the level’ is vague.? And she only “tries” when she needs to do.? Do something specific, concrete.? But do what? And why?

One of my m.o.’s for evaluating a logline is to look for clues as which of three primary psychological needs (as defined by SDTM — Self-Determination Theory and Motivation model) motivates the protagonist, which is also to say, the plot. The Big Three are: 1] The need for autonomy or agency; 2] the need for competency or mastery; and 3] the need for relationship, to love and be loved.

To be sure, the teenage girl is driven by a need for autonomy, the need to declare her independence from her parent. That need is a genre defining feature of a coming of age story. (Where is her mother in this, btw?)

It is also seems evident she needs to work out a relationship with a father. But that need conflicts with her desire to build a relationship with a guy.

Well, if you’re going to frame a plot in terms of a character triangulation, (teenager, father, boyfriend) then I suggest the logline ought to offer a clue as to a defining contrast, a polarity between the father and the guy. We know the dad is damaged goods.? But right now the guy is just a cipher, a plot prop. We have no clue as why she is crushing him. What is there about him that appeals to her, that her father is not?

fwiw

As written, the logline seems to say that the father is still in prison. Which raises the question, how can he wreck her life from prison?? Or has he served his time and his now wrecking her life as a free man?

Also how will confronting her father solve her problem??? That seems to be a weak, ineffectual response.? For one thing, it leaves the outcome of her dramatic problem in his hands.? Her happiness is dependent on his actions, his whims, his mood. Either he stops making her life miserable or he doesn’t.? She isn’t in control of her life and it seems to me her character arc is one where she finally takes control.? Which is to say, she takes control of the plot.? Because that’s the ultimate job of the protagonist.? The protagonist later or sooner becomes the character who is in the driver’s seat of the narrative.

And that may her initial predicament, she’s one-down in the power relationship.? But? if he doesn’t stop, then what must she do? In what way can she, must she take control of her own life?

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