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An orphaned young woman discovers she’s only half human when an Alien warrior is unleashed on earth to destroy the only weapon capable of stopping the forthcoming invasion, her.
I appreciate you've made a considerable investment -- emotion and time -- in your current ?version. ?But please put that all aside ?for a moment. ?Let's role play. Pretend I'm a producer or head of a studio. ?(I can dream too, can't I?) ? You're objective goal is to persuade me to invest ?millions oRead more
I appreciate you’ve made a considerable investment — emotion and time — in your current ?version. ?But please put that all aside ?for a moment. ?Let’s role play.
Pretend I’m a producer or head of a studio. ?(I can dream too, can’t I?) ? You’re objective goal is to persuade me to invest ?millions of dollars in your script. ?And ?I don’t care how hard you’ve worked on your current version. ?I care about the bottom line. ?And the bottom line for films of this genre and gender (based on other franchises with female protagonists, “The Hunger Games”, “Divergent”, “Twilight”) tell me that having the protagonist as a teenager/”young adult” is the sweet spot to create a new heroine around whom to build a new, profitable franchise.
What’s your pitch? ?What’s your logical argument that an older character (18-24) is going to sell more tickets than a younger one (say 16)?
See lessAn orphaned young woman discovers she’s only half human when an Alien warrior is unleashed on earth to destroy the only weapon capable of stopping the forthcoming invasion, her.
I appreciate the effort to turn the premise into a franchise and I think the premise has franchise potential, but, IMHO, the "origin story" -- as a logline -- is no where as interesting. ?It's only a setup for the 'real story', the adventures and character arc of the female protagonist. ?To sell a fRead more
I appreciate the effort to turn the premise into a franchise and I think the premise has franchise potential, but, IMHO, the “origin story” — as a logline — is no where as interesting. ?It’s only a setup for the ‘real story’, the adventures and character arc of the female protagonist. ?To sell a franchise, you gotta 1st havel one durable protagonist, one who can generate a story line over multiple films. ?And the ex-military specialist is not that kind of character. ?The hybrid female is.
So of the two, I think the 2nd is the more marketable, has the better chance of getting made, because it is similar to Star Wars: The New Hope, ?which as we all know booted up off that franchise. ? And how did it boot up the franchise? The story started in media res — with an ongoing conflict. ?The origin story only got told after the franchise had been thoroughly established by the adventures and character arc of Luke Skywalker. “Thoroughly established” meaning it made billions of dollars and 20th Century Fox wanted to make billions more.
So I suggest focusing on the story for this logline. ?If this movie is a box-office hit, the studio will be keenly interested in further episodes (more so in moving the story forward: ?what happens next, more than what happened before, however.)
You’ve described the character as a “young woman” which indicates to me that you still intend to introduce the character as woman in her 20’s. ?Once again, I strongly urge you to consider recasting her as a teenager and so describing her in the logline. ?IMHO, it will work better as a coming of age story AND it will greatly expand the target audience. ? Which means it will make the script more marketable.
Who is your prime target audience besides women? ?The teenage/young adult is a highly desirable and a proven profitable demographic. ?The 20-something demographic, not so much, particularly for women. ?Making movies is commerce ?as well as art. ?The studios aren’t running charities. ?They’re making movies to make money. ? I urge you to study the market for the genre and gender of your story.
fwiw
See less(REVISED) When an antisocial apocalypse ?prepper? is the only person in her small town uninfected by a virus transmitted through the trial of a ?telepathic phone?, she must stop preparing for the world?s end and start saving it.
I agree with Dkpough1 and Eethan: ?eliminate the telepathic phone from the logline. ?It is likely to derail ?a reader's attention from the story. ?The first reaction will be "WTF is a telepathic phone? " instead of "What is the story about?"Why is the point of the telepathic phone? There are enoughRead more
I agree with Dkpough1 and Eethan: ?eliminate the telepathic phone from the logline. ?It is likely to derail ?a reader’s attention from the story. ?The first reaction will be “WTF is a telepathic phone? ” instead of “What is the story about?”
Why is the point of the telepathic phone? There are enough natural vectors for viral infections, ones that require a lot less exposition to overcome incredulity than explaining what a telepathic phone. (Like mosquitoes). ?I get the pun on the phrase “going viral” but what is the dramatic point of the telepathic phone?
Once I get past the gimmick, I find the actual plot intriguing: ?a woman who has lost hope in the future, withdrawn from a world she believes is ?going to hell in a hand basket must become engaged again — at least in her small corner of it — and struggle to defeat the spread of the virus.
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