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Terminally ill single dad romances a vulnerable heiress to procure a new home for his son, but his unexpected connection to her past jeopardizes his son’s life and thrusts fates of others into his hands, just as the time runs short.
The core of the story, the hook, is ?the terminally ill father wooing the vulnerable heiress to provide for his son after he's dead. ?And it's a good one.The rest of the logline is confusing, vague. ?I have no clear sense of what or how the past jeopardizes his effort. And in a logline the threat orRead more
The core of the story, the hook, is ?the terminally ill father wooing the vulnerable heiress to provide for his son after he’s dead. ?And it’s a good one.
The rest of the logline is confusing, vague. ?I have no clear sense of what or how the past jeopardizes his effort. And in a logline the threat or obstacle to the main character’s goal needs to be clearly defined; a logline reader is entitled to know — needs to know — exactly who/what threatens to defeat the protagonist.
I presume the father is not revealing his illness to the heiress — a willful act of deception that will jeopardize their relationship, his objective goal, when the truth comes out. ?As it surely will. ?I also presume the son is initially in on the “con”.
IOW: ?I think there is enough inherent potential for complications, conflicts, dramatic tension and suspense in your core concept without having to clutter up the story with yada-yada about dark secrets and the fate of others.
I suggest focusing the logline (and the plot) on the core of the story. ?In this case, I think?less? is more.? I like the hook. A lot. It invokes a lot of possibilities in my mind.? Trust the conflicting emotions that flow from the? setup.? Best wishes.
See lessA serial killer taxi driver takes revenge on behalf of victimised passengers while trying to avoid detection.
How does the taxi driver know his passengers have been victimized and by whom?
How does the taxi driver know his passengers have been victimized and by whom?
See lessA serial killer taxi driver takes revenge on behalf of victimised passengers while trying to avoid detection.
Still prefer the story told w/ the cop or detective as the protagonist?or at least as a co-protagonist.?Because a complicating moral factor for him could be that he knows, from their prior arrests, that it's "street justice", all the victims have it coming to them. ?The serial killer is not killingRead more
Still prefer the story told w/ the cop or detective as the protagonist?or at least as a co-protagonist.?Because a complicating moral factor for him could be that he knows, from their prior arrests, that it’s “street justice”, all the victims have it coming to them. ?The serial killer is not killing innocent people. ?But it’s his job to find and stop him because the killer is acting outside the law, as a vigilante.
And then there’s the priest. ?Surely he would do more than just listen to the confessions; he would/should ?want to do something proactive outside the confessional (without violating his vows of confidentiality although that vow should be pushed to the limit) ?to get the serial killer to stop, to turn himself in.
IOW: ?I see several angles of moral complexity, a triangulation of 3 story threads that could make for a very interesting story: ?the serial killer, the cop, the priest.
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