1. Posted: April 3, 2019In:

    Upside down in a binge, pacifist Hank Thompson loses a key that belongs to the Russian mob; now Hank must find the key or die trying.

    dpg Singularity

    >>>Upside down in a binge, Not really necessary for the purpose of a logline. Several question hang upside down in my mind: How did a pacifist come to possess a key belonging to the Russian mob? Maybe this will intrigue a logline reader, pique his curiousity to read the script and find theRead more

    >>>Upside down in a binge,

    Not really necessary for the purpose of a logline.

    Several question hang upside down in my mind:

    How did a pacifist come to possess a key belonging to the Russian mob?
    Maybe this will intrigue a logline reader, pique his curiousity to read the script and find the answer.

    But…

    What is the dramatic importance of the key to the mob? Why MUST they get it back? A logline reader needs to know the answer to this question up front.

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: March 29, 2019In:

    As dimensional portals bring refugees from an another earth, a disillusioned border agent encounters his alternate-earth daughter and becomes torn between following orders, or protecting an alternate world from annihilation.

    dpg Singularity

    One other thought:? I suggest narrowing the focus of his objective goal in the logline to merely saving his daughter.? That has to be the most paramount goal in any parent's mind, right?? ?And it's good enough for plotting purposes.I like to view a plot as a poker game.? Initially, the protagonist oRead more

    One other thought:? I suggest narrowing the focus of his objective goal in the logline to merely saving his daughter.? That has to be the most paramount goal in any parent’s mind, right?? ?And it’s good enough for plotting purposes.

    I like to view a plot as a poker game.? Initially, the protagonist only has to put in a few chips [risk, effort)]to get into the game.? The major plot points are betting rounds, where he must see and raise, put more and more? and more chips into the pot [escalating risk, effort] to stay in the game.? Ultimately, he will have to push every chip into the pot.

    Transposing the poker analogy to your story, it could be that initially he thinks he can rescue his? daughter with a minimum? bet [risk and effort].? (And only his daughter:? not because he’s selfish but because he’s just one man; he doesn’t have the power, the ways and means, to rescue every one.)

    Only to discover he has to make bigger bets [risk, effort].? Finally, he realizes that the only way he can save his daughter is to push every chip into the pot [including his life] to incite a rebellion that liberates the others.

    fwiw

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: March 29, 2019In:

    As dimensional portals bring refugees from an another earth, a disillusioned border agent encounters his alternate-earth daughter and becomes torn between following orders, or protecting an alternate world from annihilation.

    dpg Singularity

    lxdengar: I believe that "disobey' still begs the question.? Disobey orders to do what?? And then do what instead?? it's not enough to just say "No!" to orders.? The protagonist must say "Yes!" to an alternative action plan .? What is that alternative action plan? Also: do you envision your conceptRead more

    lxdengar:

    I believe that “disobey’ still begs the question.? Disobey orders to do what?? And then do what instead?? it’s not enough to just say “No!” to orders.? The protagonist must say “Yes!” to an alternative action plan .? What is that alternative action plan?

    Also: do you envision your concept as an allegory of the illegal immigration crisis affecting nations around the world?

    See less
    • 0