1. Posted: January 7, 2018In:

    After his father’s second marriage, a teenage boy learns to navigate his new life, only to discover his stepmom’s a narcissist..

    dpg Singularity

    >>>only to discover his stepmom?s a narcissistSo what?? What specific dramatic problem arises as a result that he MUST resolve?? How does "navigate his new life" translate into a specific objective goal?Having a step mom who is a narcissist is a pain, no doubt,? but there are far worse thinRead more

    >>>only to discover his stepmom?s a narcissist

    So what?? What specific dramatic problem arises as a result that he MUST resolve?? How does “navigate his new life” translate into a specific objective goal?

    Having a step mom who is a narcissist is a pain, no doubt,? but there are far worse things a parent can be. Like she could be an alcoholic or bipolar or physically abusive or a binge eater or a compulsive shop lifter.? To name a few.

    As long as she’s only living in his house, instead of the White House what’s to worry about?

    There might be a good drama here. Or even a comedy.? But I think the conflict and the stakes need focus and amplification.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: January 3, 2018In:

    A Brainwashed boy genius is busted out of his facility and joins the fight against the corporate system that taught him to win at all costs.

    dpg Singularity

    As noted by the others, the plot seems vague. And although his goal may change, his character arc doesn't seem to. He's still trying to win at all costs, isn't he?? Only now to take down the Big Bad Corporate System instead of uphold it. Different objective -- same predicate.

    As noted by the others, the plot seems vague.

    And although his goal may change, his character arc doesn’t seem to. He’s still trying to win at all costs, isn’t he?? Only now to take down the Big Bad Corporate System instead of uphold it. Different objective — same predicate.

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  3. Posted: January 2, 2018In:

    When a medieval princess releases an evil spirit that intends to murder her husband, she must find a way to destroy the spirit and save her husband.

    dpg Singularity

    I'm inclined to go with something like:Based on an ancient folk tale, when a medieval princess accidentally releases an evil spirit, she must find a way to destroy it before it kills her husband. (28 words)>>> Based on an ancient folk taleThe fact that it's a tale that's endured for centuriRead more

    I’m inclined to go with something like:

    Based on an ancient folk tale, when a medieval princess accidentally releases an evil spirit, she must find a way to destroy it before it kills her husband.
    (28 words)

    >>> Based on an ancient folk tale

    The fact that it’s a tale that’s endured for centuries suggests it has “commercial legs”; if it’s endured all this time, it might be a timeless (and profitable) story worth telling to a contemporary audience.

    >>accidentally

    It was accidental, right?? Or if she intentionally released it, she didn’t know what evil she was unleashing?Whatever, I suggest insert the appropriate adverb to clarify her lack of malevolent intent.

    fwiw

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