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When a black high school football star mysteriously disappears, his four daring friends and their dog set out to find him, unraveling the dark and sinister secrets of their town.
>>> Four daring friendsBetter to narrow it down, tag one character as the protagonist. He (or she) can have allies who help, but it is better if the logline designates one alpha character,? a first among equals, who organizes and leads the search party.>>> and their dogOkay in theRead more
>>> Four daring friends
Better to narrow it down, tag one character as the protagonist. He (or she) can have allies who help, but it is better if the logline designates one alpha character,? a first among equals, who organizes and leads the search party.
>>> and their dog
Okay in the script, but unnecessary in the logline.
>>>>unraveling the dark and sinister secrets of their town.
“Dark and sinister” –redundant: pick one.
Also, frame “secrets” directly in terms of an obstacle to be overcome, not a discovery made.? That is, unraveling dark secrets are not coincidental discoveries in their search; rather, they are the obstacles and dangers they must overcome to achieve the objective goal.
fwiw
See lessThrough the twists and turns of self-discovery, a young single mother is reunited with her soulmate.
HeatherCates:Actually, I think it more accurate to say that loglines needs to be specific -- in as few words as possible.? No easy assignment, to be sure.Specifically an ideal logline includes: 1] A protagonist with a? 2]? defining character strength or debilitating character flaw, who 3] pursues aRead more
HeatherCates:
Actually, I think it more accurate to say that loglines needs to be specific — in as few words as possible.? No easy assignment, to be sure.
Specifically an ideal logline includes: 1] A protagonist with a? 2]? defining character strength or debilitating character flaw, who 3] pursues a specific objective goal? 4] in the face of overwhelming external obstacles, danger and suffering.
In the case of your logline,? the problem with “self-discovery” is? two-fold. First of all, it’s a vague term — “self-discovery” can mean, well, anything.? And if a word or phrase can mean anything then in a logline it means nothing.
Second, “self-discovery” is not an objective goal.? Rather it, refers to a subjective need.? “Self-discovery” refers to an invisible process that happens inside her head.? But film is a visual medium, which means that the process of “self-discovery” must be? made visible; to wit, it must be externalized.? And the way to do that is to visualize the internal process in terms of an external struggle for a specific external object or specific end goal.
If her internal need is to self-actualize, then what is the external means she goes about to satisfy that need?? What is the specific objective goal she sets for herself to resolve her internal need?
As an example, take the movie “Wild” (2014). It was based on the true story of a woman with a desperate subjective need to heal herself from her psychological — internal, invisible — wounds, many of them self-inflicted.? So, on the subjective (invisible) level, it’s the story of a woman’s process of self-healing.
And what is the external means by which she chose to heal herself?? She decided to do a solo hike of the Pacific Crest Trail. That became her objective goal.? ?It’s a goal fraught with? towering obstacles, real danger and frequent suffering.
It’s also a goal that can be visualized in a film.? The movie ends with a shot of her crossing the River of the Gods in Washington State. Objective goal reached!? And we know that in order for her to succeed externally, she had to heal herself internally. That’s the way it works in drama:? an external objective goal can only be achieved after resolving the internal emotional issue.
But, to repeat, the logline would be? focused on, framed in terms of her objective goal — not the subjective need: Thus:
The true story of a woman’s 1,100-mile solo hike of the Pacific Crest trail to recover from personal tragedy and drug addiction.? (22 words)
fwiw
See lessThrough the twists and turns of self-discovery, a young single mother is reunited with her soulmate.
As the others said. The logline needs to be fleshed out with particulars.? What makes this story unique different from all the other scripts piling up on script readers' desks about single mom's looking for love?? Single mom's looking for love is not a unique hook. A protagonist going on a journey oRead more
As the others said. The logline needs to be fleshed out with particulars.? What makes this story unique different from all the other scripts piling up on script readers’ desks about single mom’s looking for love?? Single mom’s looking for love is not a unique hook. A protagonist going on a journey of “self-discovery” is? not exactly unique either — and? it also pertains to subjective issues.
And she’s a single mom — doesn’t she have something more important to do, like provide financial support and emotional sustenance for a child (or children)?? Where does her offspring fit into the mix?
Whatever,? loglines are about specifically defined objective issues, not about vaguely defined subjective ones.?
So how does going on a journey of self-discovery translate into a specific objective goal and a specific obstacle that stands in the way?
See less