1. Posted: June 2, 2016In:

    A web of tragic events unfold when a love-starved atomic scientist allows herself to be seduced by a personable but moody lesbian teen whom she suspects of being a spy.

    dpg Singularity

    "Submits"? ?Isn't it rather the case that she's seduced? And what is really at stake for her? ?Isn't it the threat of being blackmailed rather than being killed? And how does the scientist act on her suspicions? ?IOW: ?what becomes her objective goal when she begins to suspect? ?What must she do?

    “Submits”? ?Isn’t it rather the case that she’s seduced?

    And what is really at stake for her? ?Isn’t it the threat of being blackmailed rather than being killed?

    And how does the scientist act on her suspicions? ?IOW: ?what becomes her objective goal when she begins to suspect? ?What must she do?

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: June 2, 2016In:

    Inflicted with PTSD from a young age, a mute street performer is abandoned by his troupe as France becomes occupied by the Nazi Wehrmacht. Faced with the choice to escape to neutral Switzerland or fight, he joins the French Resistance as a code-breaker and infiltrates the Nazi regime. His tactics shift when he learns what?s happening to the countless civilians going missing.

    dpg Singularity

    >>if you know anything about WWII, and have an imagination that can fill in some blanks, you might find some of your notes unnecessary.Fwiw, ?it's not a logline readers' job to use his imagination to fill in the blanks that you deliberately leave empty. ?It's your job to use ?your imaginationRead more

    >>if you know anything about WWII, and have an imagination that can fill in some blanks, you might find some of your notes unnecessary.

    Fwiw, ?it’s not a logline readers’ job to use his imagination to fill in the blanks that you deliberately leave empty. ?It’s your job to use ?your imagination to ?concisely fill in the blanks so that readers have a clear idea what the story is about.

    Loglines are a sales tool, not an exercise in hide-and-seek. ?Or to mix metaphors, you don’t make a sale by hiding the game ball.

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: June 1, 2016In:

    A fighter pilot wakes in an isolation ward, suffering memory loss from an experiment she supposedly signed up for. She and the other patients are told they can leave as soon as their memories return, but when people start disappearing or ending up dead, they suspect something more sinister is going on.

    dpg Singularity

    Agree with the others.I especially like FFF's suggestion to develop the story backwards. ? ?More than most, "amnesia" stories demand a Big Big Reveal, a Big Payoff on the premise.?

    Agree with the others.

    I especially like FFF’s suggestion to develop the story backwards. ? ?More than most, “amnesia” stories demand a Big Big Reveal, a Big Payoff on the premise.?

    See less
    • 0