1. Posted: June 2, 2016In:

    When a college student falls in love with wakeboarding while preparing to win the Women?s World Amateur Golf Tournament, she must decide whether to pursue a future of money and stability, or passion and uncertainty.

    dpg Singularity

    So, she wants wants to win a major wakeboard contest to acquire what she didn't in golf: ?fame. ?Well, that's positive. Sort of. But it's also shallow , superficial. ?And, worst of all, it's selfish. ?It's all about her, her self-esteem, her self-image. (Whatever happened to doing something for theRead more

    So, she wants wants to win a major wakeboard contest to acquire what she didn’t in golf: ?fame. ?Well, that’s positive. Sort of.

    But it’s also shallow , superficial. ?And, worst of all, it’s selfish. ?It’s all about her, her self-esteem, her self-image.

    (Whatever happened to doing something for the sheer love of the sport?)

    Of course, ego is a motivating factor in real life sports. ?But in the reel life of movies the character has to be struggling for more than fame. ?She must also be fighting for a cause, a purpose, a principle greater than her ego.

    IOW: there’s gotta be stakes. Stakes that the audience can become emotionally invested in. Stakes that makes the audience want to root for the character to succeed.

    Others’ mileage may vary, but purely selfish stakes don’t work for me, don’t make me want to root for the character to succeed.

    On the other foot, she did cheat in golf. ?What if she’s trying to turn her life around, to redeem herself, her character, for her cheating?

    Who would you rather root for: a character seeking redemption, or a character seeking fame?

    (Me, too.)

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  2. Posted: June 2, 2016In:

    When a college student falls in love with wakeboarding while preparing to win the Women?s World Amateur Golf Tournament, she must decide whether to pursue a future of money and stability, or passion and uncertainty.

    dpg Singularity

    1] How does quitting golf for wakeboard enable her to escape her abusive and controlling father?2] It's a negative goal. ?She's?running away from something negative rather running toward something positive.A character can have negative motivations for an action (anger, revenge);, she can act for theRead more

    1] How does quitting golf for wakeboard enable her to escape her abusive and controlling father?

    2] It’s a negative goal. ?She’s?running away from something negative rather running toward something positive.

    A character can have negative motivations for an action (anger, revenge);, she can act for the wrong reason. ?Even so, she must always be striving for a positive goal. ?IOW: in reel life (as opposed to real life) a protagonist should be striving for her biggest dream, the one thing she wants more than anything else.

    What is her biggest dream? ?What objective goal does she want more than anything else? ?It may be necessary to escape her abusive father. ?But that is not sufficient for drama: she must find a positive alternative.

    Movies, marketable ones anyway, are?about pursuing dreams — not just escaping nightmares.

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  3. Posted: June 2, 2016In:

    Inflicted with PTSD from a young age, a mute street performer is abandoned by his troupe as France becomes occupied by the Nazi Wehrmacht. Faced with the choice to escape to neutral Switzerland or fight, he joins the French Resistance as a code-breaker and infiltrates the Nazi regime. His tactics shift when he learns what?s happening to the countless civilians going missing.

    dpg Singularity

    At 62 words, the logline is too long and too complicated to properly evaluate. ? Please review the guidelines under "Training" at the top of the web page and condense and simplify the logline accordingly.I can only observe that the logline gives the protagonist 2 objective goals, one specific (code-Read more

    At 62 words, the logline is too long and too complicated to properly evaluate. ? Please review the guidelines under “Training” at the top of the web page and condense and simplify the logline accordingly.

    I can only observe that the logline gives the protagonist 2 objective goals, one specific (code-breaking), one vague (“tactics”). ? But a logline, and a plot, should have only one objective goal.

    So?which one is it? ?What is the objective goal that drives the story? ?And if it’s “tactics” , then those tactics need to be spelled out. ?Exactly what are his tactics– what is his objective goal in relation to the “missing civilians”.?

    And lots of civilians went missing during the war so again ?you need to be specific. ?Which missing civilians are motivating his course of action?

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