1. Posted: May 17, 2016In:

    A ?rescued? teenager with an abusive past must rally other students at his new school against a torturous headmistress to save himself and his friends.

    dpg Singularity

    First of all, if the headmistress tortures students, ?is it physical or just psychological? ?The teenagers's abusive past is just that -- back story. ?By itself it does not constitute an inciting incident for the plot. ?What is the inciting incident in the present tense of the story that triggers thRead more

    First of all, if the headmistress tortures students, ?is it physical or just psychological? ?

    The teenagers’s abusive past is just that — back story. ?By itself it does not constitute an inciting incident for the plot. ?What is the inciting incident in the present tense of the story that triggers the teenager to act? ?What happens between the teenager and the headmistress that provokes him to act?

    And ‘save’ should be more specific. ?Harry Stamper in “Armaggedon” (1998) wants to ‘save’ the earth from an approaching asteroid. ? Good enough for a logline and pitch? ?No, the hook in the logline ?is HOW he intends to do it: ?blow up the asteroid. ?That’s his objective goal– that’s the plot of the movie. Saving the planet entails a specific objective goal and game plan.

    So, what becomes the teenager’s objective goal for ‘saving’ himself and others? ?What is his specific game plan? ?Get the headmistress fired? ?Arrested? ?Or…?

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: May 16, 2016In:

    Afraid of losing his cushy corporate job, a slacker concocts a story about a fake ex-fianc? who left him at the altar but when he falls for a girl with the same name, he must keep her a secret to keep his job.

    dpg Singularity

    Why does he have to concoct a lie about being left at the altar to keep his job? ?I don't understand the cause and effect relationship between the two.

    Why does he have to concoct a lie about being left at the altar to keep his job? ?I don’t understand the cause and effect relationship between the two.

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  3. Posted: May 13, 2016In:

    After a nuclear disaster that destroyed most of civilisation, a scientist encounters, and starts a life with a lone woman, but when they take in a drifting man, a love triangle emerges between them, and he must challenge the stranger?s intentions. [Z for Zachariah, 2015]

    dpg Singularity

    Following a nuclear apocalypse, two men compete for the love of a woman who may be the last woman on earth.(21 words)Or as there are only 3 characters and there is no evidence of any survivors:Following a nuclear apocalypse, the two last two men alive compete for the love of the last woman.(18 wordsRead more

    Following a nuclear apocalypse, two men compete for the love of a woman who may be the last woman on earth.
    (21 words)

    Or as there are only 3 characters and there is no evidence of any survivors:

    Following a nuclear apocalypse, the two last two men alive compete for the love of the last woman.
    (18 words)

    Or from the woman’s point of view, casting her as the main character:

    Following a nuclear apocalypse, the last woman alive must decide which of the last two men to take as her mate.
    (21 words)

    But I haven’t seen the movie yet (it’s in my queue) to ascertain which one may fit the best.

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