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To regain his status in the high ranks of the order after a shameful ban, an arrogant, yet talented sorcerer sets off to hunt one of the most vicious rebels in the realm.
I suggest that "a member of the ruling forces"? isn't personal enough. But it's your story.Also, I suggest the logline should indicate that? initially it's an unfair fight in favor of the antagonist.? That is, the outlaw has to be more than vicious, he has to possess some? sorcerer-like powers and sRead more
I suggest that “a member of the ruling forces”? isn’t personal enough. But it’s your story.
Also, I suggest the logline should indicate that? initially it’s an unfair fight in favor of the antagonist.? That is, the outlaw has to be more than vicious, he has to possess some? sorcerer-like powers and skills?of his own, ?that are even more potent than those sorcerer.? The odds must overwhelmingly be against the sorcerer.?? Otherwise, there’s no meaningful suspense.
Again, hearkening back to the template of the Star Wars saga:? Luke (and now Rey in the reboot of the franchise) initially go up against villains far more skilled in the use of the Force than they are.?? They must learn under duress — fast.
I don’t get that sense that the odds are overwhelmingly against the sorcerer.? The outlaw may be vicious? – but that doesn’t mean he has greater powers to prevail against those of the sorcerer.? My sense is that the odds? seem to be initially in favor of the sorcerer.? So what is the factor in the fight that creates suspense?
See lessIn a modern European country, a deadly terrorist group carries out an attack, a naive young school dropout must get would-be victims to safety.
Your original version buries the lead and the hook, the most interesting elements that might make someone want to read the script.? It will certainly be a challenge working out the details to make the story seem credible and plausible, but now ?I think the concept has potential.
Your original version buries the lead and the hook, the most interesting elements that might make someone want to read the script.? It will certainly be a challenge working out the details to make the story seem credible and plausible, but now ?I think the concept has potential.
See lessIn a modern European country, a deadly terrorist group carries out an attack, a naive young school dropout must get would-be victims to safety.
I find the setup? needs specificity and clarification.?? What are the terrorists attacking?? A train, a bus, an office, a school,? the airport, the subway-- what?? And does he happen to be there?? If so,?as Richiev said, what special, if latent, skill does he bring that makes him?a candidate??to becRead more
I find the setup? needs specificity and clarification.?? What are the terrorists attacking?? A train, a bus, an office, a school,? the airport, the subway– what?? And does he happen to be there?? If so,?as Richiev said, what special, if latent, skill does he bring that makes him?a candidate??to become the hero?
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