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When she’s falsely accused of witchcraft, a clairvoyant mute is forced to flee for her life with her telepathic 9-year-old son, and must find sanctuary in a foreign country tormented by a bizarre infirmity – despite an ill-fated future she had seen.
Why is she forced to flee?? To save her life, right???That?is? what is at? stake. ?So "...forced to flee for her life..."I don't see why it has to be marauding villagers.? It's perfectly credible to me that she's been branded, persecuted is in danger of being killed by her own? community, her own viRead more
Why is she forced to flee?? To save her life, right???That?is? what is at? stake. ?So “…forced to flee for her life…”
I don’t see why it has to be marauding villagers.? It’s perfectly credible to me that she’s been branded, persecuted is in danger of being killed by her own? community, her own village.?? But it’s your story; maybe you have some theme or issue in mind that I don’t apprehend.
As I said, for me the strongest element– the hook– is not the exotic locale, nor the particular attributes of her antagonists, but? the mother-son relationship.
See lessWhen a dying widower is approached by death with an offer, he must choose between donning the cowl, watching over his daughter or reconnecting with his love in the afterlife.
I (almost entirely)?agree with FFF.?? It is (almost) always a?bad choice to build a logline on a choice. A plot is not about having to make a choice.? A plot is about the consequences that flow from the choice the character makes. (I can think of a possible exception to that rule. But this logline dRead more
I (almost entirely)?agree with FFF.?? It is (almost) always a?bad choice to build a logline on a choice.
A plot is not about having to make a choice.? A plot is about the consequences that flow from the choice the character makes.
(I can think of a possible exception to that rule. But this logline doesn’t fall within the parameters of that possible ?exception.)
See lessA down and out door-to-door salesman who wears a fake cast to gain sympathy and win a sale, knocks on the wrong door and is taken hostage by a woman’s deranged boyfriend. He must find untapped courage to save himself and the woman before times runs out.
When a failing door-to-door salesman?is taken hostage by a deranged customer, he has 2 hours to make the sale of his life-? a pitch??to save his life. (30 words)The fake cast is a good prop gimmick, his last desperate attempt to win sales through pity.? And it strengthens the story to have a stake cRead more
When a failing door-to-door salesman?is taken hostage by a deranged customer, he has 2 hours to make the sale of his life-? a pitch??to save his life.
(30 words)
The fake cast is a good prop gimmick, his last desperate attempt to win sales through pity.? And it strengthens the story to have a stake character (the wife) who’s life he must also save.? But I don’t deem them essential to the?logline.?? Is the fake cast?a story hook?? Not for me.? Is?a wife in mortal danger a story hook?? Not for me.
For me the story hook is?irony.??A lousy salesman?must?become a super salesman for the most important product of all –his own life.? He must overcome his character flaw, the?reason he’s a failure: he doesn’t believe in himself, in his own worth.
This concept has legs.? Run with it.? Good luck.
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