1. Posted: March 10, 2016In:

    After leaving prison, two aging con men go straight by opening a coffee shop but get pulled into mob-like turf war with the other caf?s in a small seaside town.

    dpg Singularity

    I think this has real potential because of the target demographic audience, which s is out there? and growing as the Boomers retire, but is?woefully?under served by? the film industry.Also there's can be?substantive ?jeopardy and stakes because the odds are against well-aged ex-cons being able makeRead more

    I think this has real potential because of the target demographic audience, which s is out there? and growing as the Boomers retire, but is?woefully?under served by? the film industry.

    Also there’s can be?substantive ?jeopardy and stakes because the odds are against well-aged ex-cons being able make a go of it on the outside.? The burden of their criminal past, their lack of skills for the jobs that didn’t even exist when they went in, etc.

    So I think?it’s a?concept with real promise. But… it needs one more element.? It needs ?an objective goal.

    What must?the ex-cons DO?when they find themselves caught in the cross-fire of the turf war?? It places them in a real dilemma. Do they revert to their old ways in order to survive?? Stay on the strait and narrow?? Or..?

    The reason a logline needs a clear-cut objective goal is so that film producers can sense? that the story?doesn’t?pull a bait and bomb on them.??That is, the logline baits?them with a? strong first act premise,?but when they read the script, the story bombs in the 2nd act.? All because the writer hasn’t??delivered on the potential, the promise,?of his premise with a?well thought out ?plot.??

    I think you’ve got a good premise– the first?30 pages.? But what kind of action can you promise? in the next 60 pages.? What is their objective goal? What is the plot?

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: March 8, 2016In:

    After receiving his late mother?s camera, the outcast son wants to become a photographer, but once his older brother, the glorified heir, dies, the manipulative grandfather resorts to blackmail to force his own grandson to take over the farm.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    As Wayne said.? Why blackmail?The whole blackmail gimmick doesn't work for me.? As a born and bred country boy, I?could get?enthusiastic about? the logline if it ?exhibited a more sympathetic understanding? and appreciation of rural culture and values, what?really?motivates rural folk to cultivate tRead more

    As Wayne said.? Why blackmail?

    The whole blackmail gimmick doesn’t work for me.? As a born and bred country boy, I?could get?enthusiastic about? the logline if it ?exhibited a more sympathetic understanding? and appreciation of rural culture and values, what?really?motivates rural folk to cultivate their land and?dream of passing it down from?one generation to the next.

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  3. Posted: March 9, 2016In:

    After a nerdy political science student from Greece gets a scholarship to study abroad in New York, he meets a pop star as student at the university and tries to date her, but their different worldviews lead to tension.

    dpg Singularity

    Agree with Nir Shelter and FFF. The logline appears to be?setting up an "Odd Couple", a tried-and-true relationship for laughs.? But after the setup, then what?? Odd couple relationships are usually played out in the context of an ongoing struggle for something both badly want that creates the tensiRead more

    Agree with Nir Shelter and FFF.

    The logline appears to be?setting up an “Odd Couple”, a tried-and-true relationship for laughs.? But after the setup, then what?? Odd couple relationships are usually played out in the context of an ongoing struggle for something both badly want that creates the tension.

    So what is the objective goal that creates the tension?

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