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When a narcissistic property developer is convicted for murdering a government official, he must untangle the web of deceit, to prove his innocence
The basic elements seem to be there and the logline comes in at a concise 23 words.However, I?suggest that "government official" needs to be made more specific.? "Government official"? can cover a broad spectrum,,??from?the President of the United States to a lowly GS-11 managing the Department of ARead more
The basic elements seem to be there and the logline comes in at a concise 23 words.
However, I?suggest that “government official” needs to be made more specific.? “Government official”? can cover a broad spectrum,,??from?the President of the United States to a lowly GS-11 managing the Department of Agriculture’s, Livestock &?Grain?Market News office in Torrington, Wyoming.
And maybe the government official’s job and rank ought to have some seemingly causal relationship to the protagonist’s business and his murder?charge.? IOW,? the property developer is?the prime suspect because?the official’s?death??greatly benefits his business interests.??Detectives and the prosecuting attorney? have accused him of having a strong motive for wanting to see the official dead.
Finally, if he’s already been convicted, then doesn’t that mean he would immediately be taken into custody and quickly sentenced, especially for a murder conviction?? So how is he going to prove his innocence from jail?? Does he also need to escape — like in “The Fugitive”?? Or has he been accused, is out on bail, but time is running out his case is about to go to trial (ticking clock)?and he faces almost certain conviction and a life sentence (the stakes)?
fwiw
See lessA meek pharmacist falsely accused of an accidental death has to search for clues to the whereabouts of his kidnapped daughter in the tattoos of customers of a tattoo artist, who abducted her as revenge, before time runs out.
The logline sets up two goals for the pharmacist:?exonerate himself as murder suspect and find his daughter.??? A logline should describe only one objective goal.?? Any other goal is a sub-goal, a?milestone along the way, a means to the ultimate end, that one objective goal.? Which is okay for the fRead more
The logline sets up two goals for the pharmacist:?exonerate himself as murder suspect and find his daughter.??? A logline should describe only one objective goal.?? Any other goal is a sub-goal, a?milestone along the way, a means to the ultimate end, that one objective goal.? Which is okay for the full story, but extraneous to a logline.
So which one of these??goals is the?central goal of the story?? What is the?more important and necessary of the two?for the pharmacist to resolve?
See lessA small town detective is forced into an inconceivable mystery when a severed hand, genetically identical to his, appears next to the headless body of a boy. When the case leads back to his own missing son, he?s introduced to a world of parallel universes in which he may be able to save his family and the world.
As I understand it, the hook, the central concept of the story is the idea of parallel universes.? And father's goal seems to be to save his son (and family?) in an alternate universe because he was unable to do so in this one. Well, that could be a dramatically interesting story. But, as your logliRead more
As I understand it, the hook, the central concept of the story is the idea of parallel universes.? And father’s goal seems to be to save his son (and family?) in an alternate universe because he was unable to do so in this one.
Well, that could be a dramatically interesting story. But, as your logline says, you are proposing a story that is? an?”inconceivable mystery”? — that is, it’s unbelievable????It?requires the suspension of normal?logic and of the?scientific rules that govern?the world as we know it.
Scripts about parallel universes (or time travel)?can be very?hard to write in a way that will make them believable.?? And it can be even harder to write a logline?in 30 words or less that accomplishes the same feat.
I presume the “strange world” to be the parallel universe.?There seems to be a? cause-and-effect link between the severed hand and the headless body that ?leads to the discovery of a parallel world.? But I have no idea what it is.? How does one lead to the other?
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