1. Posted: January 8, 2020In:

    After the tragic death of her husband, a single mother must fight to protect her disabled son and a sacred family emblem from a mysterious woman who wants to kill her.

    dpg Singularity

    As mikepedley said.?The objective goal seems to be out of alignment with the threat.? The logline says her life is in danger -- but focuses on her disabled son and the sacred family emblem.? It doesn't explicitly say the villain wants the emblem or kill her son -- so why does the it lead off with thRead more

    As mikepedley said.?

    The objective goal seems to be out of alignment with the threat.? The logline says her life is in danger — but focuses on her disabled son and the sacred family emblem.? It doesn’t explicitly say the villain wants the emblem or kill her son — so why does the it lead off with them instead of her?

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  2. Posted: January 8, 2020In:

    In a future behind a glass dome, an optimistic factory girl discovers a strange seed and journeys across an inhospitable landscape to find a mythic Rover God who could bring the earth back to its former glory.

    dpg Singularity

    As mikepedley said.? If the discovery of the strange seed is the inciting incident, then there should be an obvious, clear-cut. cause-and-effect between that discovery and the decision to take the quest.? But the cause-and-effect relationship between the discovery and the quest is vague, tenuous atRead more

    As mikepedley said.? If the discovery of the strange seed is the inciting incident, then there should be an obvious, clear-cut. cause-and-effect between that discovery and the decision to take the quest.? But the cause-and-effect relationship between the discovery and the quest is vague, tenuous at best.? We , the readers, are given no reason as to what is so special about the seed that that it motivates her to go on a quest? to find the “Rover God”.

    Further, if the “Rover God” is that potent, and benevolent why doesn’t she just take the initiative and? regenerate the world?? Why must a factory girl ask her?

    (Also it’s SOP in? any plot entailing a mere mortal wanting something from a deity that the deity will refuse to grant the mere mortal her wish — until she fulfills some seemingly impossible task or undergoes some perilous ordeal.)

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  3. Posted: January 8, 2020In:

    A pair of young lovers from rival lobster fishing gangs in Maine must unite their communities in order to defend their territories against the encroaching Canadian lobster mafia.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    Beck:If I understand you rightly what is "inciting" the conflict now is warming ocean waters.? That should certainly factor into the story.? However, if the lobsters are migrating northward because of warming waters, then shouldn't the dramatic problem be American lobster men poaching in Canadian waRead more

    Beck:

    If I understand you rightly what is “inciting” the conflict now is warming ocean waters.? That should certainly factor into the story.? However, if the lobsters are migrating northward because of warming waters, then shouldn’t the dramatic problem be American lobster men poaching in Canadian waters and areas in international waters traditionally claimed and worked by Canadians??? IOW: who really are the designated “bad guys” in this scenario?? If the Canadians are, then what is motivating them to come south?? Seems like? the Americans wold be the group more negatively impacted by warming waters.

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