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  1. Posted: February 27, 2016In: Drama

    When a troubled young man tries to kill himself, confined to the hospital he finds some peace by supporting cancer patients but faces being discharged and losing his newfound peace.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on February 29, 2016 at 1:40 pm

    Having worked on a suicide hot line, I can see the dramatic potential.? But I think?the concept needs?fleshing out.Prima facie, the? story seems?to set up a rather weak?dramatic problem.? For there is no lack of opportunities for the young man to volunteer of?supporting cancer patients once he's relRead more

    Having worked on a suicide hot line, I can see the dramatic potential.? But I think?the concept needs?fleshing out.

    Prima facie, the? story seems?to set up a rather weak?dramatic problem.? For there is no lack of opportunities for the young man to volunteer of?supporting cancer patients once he’s released.? Either by hospital visits or by participating in?any number of out-patient group and individual support programs.

    Or looking at it from another angle, the logline is?incomplete because it does not define?clearly defined objective goal for the young man.?? It presents?only a ?set up: in the hospital he discovers that supporting cancer patients is therapy for his suicidal impulses.? That’s a good start.

    And then what??? Specifically, as a result of this realization, what does he?do when he’s released?? What becomes his objective goal?? How does he intend to continue his therapeutic strategy for combatting the emotions that drive him to suicide?? Who or what opposes or poses an obstacle to his goal?

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  2. Posted: February 29, 2016In: Comedy

    ANALYZE FISH-A greedy shrink Dolphin tries to let a depressed Shark crime boss commit suicide and blame a rival crime family.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on February 29, 2016 at 1:18 pm

    As Nir Shelter said.? What's in it for the shrink that he would allow the suicide? I like Richiev's take; however, I suggest making the dolphin a she so what complicates her life is not friendship but love.? And to further complicate her life, ?it's more than a case of offered a million clam --?she'Read more

    As Nir Shelter said.? What’s in it for the shrink that he would allow the suicide?

    I like Richiev’s take; however, I suggest making the dolphin a she so what complicates her life is not friendship but love.? And to further complicate her life, ?it’s more than a case of offered a million clam –?she’s accepted the offer.

    After accepting a million clams to manipulate a depressed loan shark into committing suicide, a greedy female dolphin shrink falls in love with her patient.? Now she must choose between love and loot.
    (33 words)

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  3. Posted: February 27, 2016In: Examples

    When a young man is found out for desiring his older brother’s beautiful wife, he must go on a journey into the past to discover the cost of possessing a forbidden prize.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on February 29, 2016 at 1:03 pm

    Based on what information?I've been able to glean about this film -- not much -- it seems to be an unconventional story.? Which leads me to conclude it would be difficult to make it fit into ?the Procustean bed of a conventional logline. fwiw.

    Based on what information?I’ve been able to glean about this film — not much — it seems to be an unconventional story.? Which leads me to conclude it would be difficult to make it fit into ?the Procustean bed of a conventional logline.

    fwiw.

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